


Finding our Way

by SharonSharpe



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, AvaLance, F/F, timebureau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-06-19 03:42:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15501555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharonSharpe/pseuds/SharonSharpe
Summary: Sara and Ava are trying to make it work but they will never be normal. When their relationship is tested in the worst possible way will they be able to find their way back to happiness?AU story.





	1. Boo'd Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU story.  
> The songs listed in bold at the beginning of the sections serve as background music. You don't need them to enjoy the story but they set the mood. 
> 
> All feedback and comments are greatly appreciated.

**(Make me feel-Janelle Monae)**

Warmth.

That’s all Ava felt as she slowly opened her eyes against the sun trickling through her apartment window. An involuntary smile spread across her face as she felt the heat of Sara’s lips against her shoulder. The kiss moved to her neck, Sara’s smile evident as she sucked lightly at the point in the crook of Ava’s neck. She bit down pulling a groan from Ava’s lips. Sara giggled at the sound and Ava smile broadened even more. She loved hearing Sara’s giggle and loved that she alone got to hear it. Ava turned to her back finally looking up into the tousled hair and bright blue eyes of her girlfriend. She reached up and ran a hand through Sara’s hair before knotting her hands into the locs and pulling the smaller woman down for a searing kiss. Sara groaned when Ava pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and dove back in deepening the kiss further. Ava moved her hands from Sara’s hair and ghosted her hands along Sara’s sides, along the tight lines of her abs that clenched under her touch and down to her hips covered by thin black lace panties. Sara gasped as Ava pulled her down roughly simultaneously thrusting her hips up to create delicious friction against Sara’s core. Sara’s hips rocked hard against Ava as she connected their lips again and grabbed a handful of her girlfriend’s hair tugging hard. The resulting feral growl that Ava unleashed was all the encouragement Sara needed. Her lips went to the spot underneath Ava’s jaw as she rocked against her again. Ava gasped her grip tightening on Sara’s hips as she controlled the smaller woman’s movements. Her fingers gripped tight intent on leaving bruises as she thrust up hard along with Sara’s thrusts. A few moments later Sara squeaked against Ava’s neck her fingers tightening into the sheets next to Ava’s shoulders. Her brow furrowed, her eyes closed tight as she indulged in the gentle waves of pleasure pouring over her.

            “Did you just come?” Ava teased as she rubbed small circles on Sara’s lower back.

Sara looked up at her, her eyes dark and blown wide.

            “No.” Sara hissed when Ava rocked her hips up against her again.

Ava moved one of her hands over Sara’s stomach and sat up pulling the other woman against her. Her lips moved to Sara’s collarbone sucking slightly as the hand on the woman’s stomach slowly made its way under the thin black fabric that she already knew was soaked through. As soon as her fingers made contact with Sara’s core she groaned.

            “Fuck baby.” Ava groaned and collected some of the wetness on her fingers and pulled them out to look Sara in the eye as she sucked her fingers clean.

            “Aves.” Sara’s voice was a whisper dripping with need.

            “Good morning baby. I think its time for breakfast don’t you.” Ava growled as she flipped the Sara onto her back.

**Boo’d Up-Ella Mai**

            An hour later Sara walked out the shower a bath robe tied loosely around her waist. She leaned against the doorway for a moment watching Ava making French toast. Ava had connected her phone to the Bluetooth speaker on the counter as she danced to the music using the spatula as her microphone. She was half dressed in her Time Bureau suit. She only had on the slacks and her white button down. The shirt was unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. As she rolled her hips to the music Sara indulged in watching the lines of Ava’s abs rippling under the shirt.

            “Listen to my heart go…” Ava turned belting out the song and froze when she noticed Sara in the doorway.

            “By all means keep going. I was enjoying the show.” Sara walked over to her a smile playing on her lips as she lifted up on her toes for a quick kiss.

            “Mmm. You hungry.” Ava smiled and kissed Sara’s forehead.

            “Starving.” Sara grinned as she wrapped her arms around the taller woman.

She placed a kiss between Ava’s breasts giggling as she felt the other woman’s heart speed up.

            “You’re insatiable. Besides I have to get to work.” Ava pulled away and took the last piece of French toast out of the pan sliding it onto the plate next to the stove.

Sara put on her best pouty face and winked at Ava. Ava smirked and kissed her forehead before moving around her to put the food on the table.

            “Your breakfast is going to get cold.” Ava sat down at the table and poured herself and Sara a cup of orange juice.

            “I already ate remember.” Sara teased as she slid into the seat across from Ava.

Ava couldn’t stop the fierce blush that raced up her neck and across her cheeks. They had been dating for a year, but it still felt new. Sara could still make her blush with the simplest of innuendos and she had the same impact on the other woman as well. Her hand found Sara’s across the table and she kissed her knuckles. Sara blushed and turned her attention back to her plate. They ate in a comfortable silence for a while before giving each other a run down of their upcoming day.

**Ocean-Martin Garrix**

            Once they were finished Sara cleared the table and washed dishes while Ava left to finish getting dressed. As Sara placed the last dish onto the rack Ava reentered adjusting the time courier on her wrist and fixing the bobby pins into her hair. Her shirt was still half unbuttoned as she walked over to Sara.

            “Let me help.” Sara reached out to finish buttoning the shirt and straightened out Ava’s collar. Her fingers traced over the Time Bureau pin and down to Ava’s hands. Ava wrapped her into a tight hug before turning to open a portal to her office. Before she could open the portal one opened up in their living room. An older with steel grey hair stepped through flanked by two younger men all wearing the same suit as Ava.

            “Director Young.” Ava stammered, she instinctively stepped in front of Sara to shield the woman’s body from the other men.

            “Director Sharpe. On behalf of the Time Bureau I am placing you under arrest. Pursuant to Title 14 Section 2207 of the Global Treaty on Time Travel I have the authority to bring you in.”

            “Title 14 Section 2207 is deliberate manipulation of the timeline for the purpose of murder?” Ava tensed.

Sara moved to stand in front of Ava, her hands clenching into fists. The two agents who had stepped forward a moment before reached for their holstered weapons.

            “Who the hell is this guy? I thought you were the director.” Sara hissed her eyes darting to the knife block on the counter.

            “Of the U.S branch. There are other cells around the globe, but Director Young serves on the board.” Ava answered her chest tightened.  

            “Director Sharpe. It was my hope to bring you in without incident.” Director Young sighed and reached for his gun.

            “Guess you were wrong.” Sara lunged for the knife block, ripped the largest knife from the block and moved to send the knife into the nearest agent but Ava’s hand closed around hers before she could release it from her hand.

            “No. I’ll go with them.” Ava took the knife from her hand and sat it on the counter.

            “Aves you haven’t done anything wrong.” Sara frowned at the sound of her voice breaking.

            “I know and I’m sure I can prove that but for now I need to go with them. Killing them won’t help me right now.” Ava tried to keep her voice even although she was terrified.

            “Aves…” Sara’s words were cut off as Ava dropped her head to kiss her deeply.

Sara whimpered as Ava’s fingers slid into her hair. She poured all her emotions into the kiss. The sadness, her fear, her anger at the agents. Ava kissed her back just as intense and Sara knew it was a kiss goodbye. She knew that despite the director’s calm demeanor she was scared and wasn’t sure what was happening. Ava broke the kiss and leaned her forehead against Sara’s. Sara felt the time courier slip into her hand.

            “Take care of this for me.” She whispered before stepping away and walking over to the men.

            “On your knees. Hands behind your head.” Director Young ordered as he nodded for the other agents to handcuff her.

            Ava kneeled and did what she was told. The two men wrenched her arms behind her back and tightened the cuffs around her wrist. They pulled her to her feet and began walking her towards the still open portal. Ava pulled against them slightly to look over her shoulder again.

            “I love you.” She mouthed.

            “I love you too.” Sara mouthed back just as the portal closed.

**Mercy-Brett Young**

Once the portal closed behind them Sara released the breath she didn’t know she was holding. She swiped at the angry hot tears streaming down her face. Her hands were shaky as she put in the coordinates for the Waverider and opened a portal onto the bridge. The tears blurred her vision coming faster as she stepped through onto the ship. A sob broke past her lips and she clutched at her chest her legs carrying her on autopilot back to her room.

            “Captain Lance I would suggest you sit down. Your heart rate is dangerously elevated, and I have alerted Ms. Jiwe of your whereabouts she is on her way.” Gideon’s voice pierced through the fog of her mind.

            Sara’s knees crumpled underneath her, and she just let the tears fall. She clawed at her chest the tightness was unbearable and she knew she was having a full-blown panic attack. A few seconds later she felt Amaya’s hands on her shoulders pulling her back into her embrace. She let herself fall into the other woman’s arms and buried her head into her neck and sobbed. The heavy fall of several footsteps alerted her that the rest of the team had arrived as well, but she didn’t care if they saw her vulnerable.

            “Sara. What going on? What happened?”

Sara tried to breath and tell her but the only thing that escaped was a strangled cry of Ava’s name.

            “I believe this is a result of Ava being taken into custody this morning. According to the message that was just sent out by the Time Bureau, Director Sharpe is being charged with unauthorized time travel and first-degree murder.”  Gideon answered, the AI’s usually chipper voice was noticeably tame.  

            “Murder. I didn’t think Hotpants had it in her.” Mick grumbled and took a swig of his beer. His eyes were focused on Sara still crying in Amaya’s arm.

            “Did it say who she murdered Gideon?” Zari asked as she kneeled down next to Sara and rubbed circles on the woman’s back.

            A long pause followed the question. Zari opened her mouth to ask again when the AI finally answered.

            “According to the report, Director Sharpe killed Mayor Quentin Lance in Star City 2017.”

 

 

 


	2. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava is about to lose everything and reunite with a memory she would rather forget.

**Take me to Church-Hozier**

Ava hung her head as she was marched through her office and past all of her agents. Most of them looked away as she walked by, but some shot her sad glances and even a few glares. She could feel the man’s nervous energy before he came running up to her.

            “Director Sharpe…I…tell me its not true.” Gary stumbled along side them as the agents pushed against her arms to force her to keep walking.

            “It’s not Gary.”

            “I knew it. You would never do anything like that. Especially not to Quentin.” Gary breathed hard and picked at his tie.

            “Quentin? Quentin Lance?” Ava stopped abruptly and turned to Gary her eyes wide.

            “Yes?” he squeaked.

            “You think I murdered Quentin Lance.” Ava turned on Director Young who was trailing behind them, her eyes dark with rage.

            “We have evidence Miss Sharpe we wouldn’t have arrested you if we didn’t. Now walk.”

One of the agents holding her arms shoved her forward and she stumbled slightly before catching her footing. She could feel the tears prickling at the edges of her eyes, but she forced them back and shouted to Gary.

            “Gary you have to find out who did this. Promise me.”

            “Of course Director Sharpe.” He tugged uncomfortably at his tie as he watched them take her onto the elevator and down to the holding cells. When the doors closed he finally noticed that all eyes were on him waiting for orders. He breathed in deeply for a moment then opened his eyes.

            “What are you standing around for? Time isn’t going to fix itself now is it?” he said putting on his best impression of Ava’s director voice.

            “Director Green you have an incoming call from the Legends.” A nervous agent hustled up to him.

            “Right…um put it through to Director Shar…I mean my office and make sure no one disturbs me unless its life or death.” He turned on his heel and walked into the director’s office, projected in the middle of the room was a very pissed off Amaya Jiwe.

            In the elevator Ava leaned her head back against the cool elevator wall. She could still feel the tears prickling around the edges of her eyes, but she fought them back steeling herself for what was about to happen. She would be booked and placed in a holding cell until the trial in front of the board. Holding cells that housed time criminals and violent anachronisms that she had put in jail herself. The elevator ride seemed shorter than usual and soon the doors opened to the processing center for the Time Bureau. She was shoved hard out of the elevator and the handcuffs were taken off. She rubbed at the red lines forming around her wrist.

            “Take off your blazer. You’re not a part of this agency anymore.” Director Young barked.

            “I didn’t do this. Why would I kill Sara’s dad?” Ava spat as she yanked the blazer off and threw it at Young’s feet.

            “We wondered the same thing.” He picked up the blazer as if it were cursed and tossed it into a nearby trash bin after removing the pin.

He held out his hand to her and she placed her backup courier into his hand. She had slipped it on earlier making sure that Sara had access to her real travel logs.

            “I remember you from the academy Sharpe. You were smart, diligent, inquisitive but not overbearing. I had high hopes for you.” Director Young put the courier into a bag labeled evidence along with her pin.

            “You’re making a mistake you know.” Ava swallowed hard and dug her nails into the palms of her hands to keep them from shaking.

            “I wish I were. Step in front of the screen please.”

Ava stepped in front of the dark grey screen for her mugshot. She let her head fall forward for a moment her thoughts drifting to Sara. Somewhere Sara was finding out what she was accused of and she knew it would break her because Ava could feel it. She could feel the hysteria pumping through her own body and tried to slow her breathing. Sara wouldn’t believe them would she? She couldn’t. She would help Gary find out what really happened and clear her name. Sara loves her. They won’t let this break them. Ava exhaled a deep breath and settled a steely gaze onto her face. She couldn’t show any weakness, the no-nonsense agent persona slipping into place with too much ease.

            A few moments later she had been photographed, fingerprinted, and escorted to a room to change into her prison uniform.

            “Director…I mean Inmate Sharpe remove the pins from your hair, remove any jewelry or other personal items in your possession and place them in the bag. Strip down completely and place your clothes in the bin.” The female agent shifted as she spoke unwilling to meet Ava’s eyes.

            Ava did what she was told, fighting against the blush trying to creep onto her face. She remembered the agent from training.

            “It’s okay Agent Faraday.” Ava reassured as she stood naked before the younger woman.

After her hair was checked she was escorted to a decontamination shower and given the plain blue jumpsuit of the Time Bureau prison. She was handcuffed again and taken to the door leading to the holding cells. The buzz of the door opening pounded in her ears cutting through the rush of blood in her ears as her heart pounded hard against her ribcage.

**Riot-Three Days Grace**

            “Inmate 98167 entering.” Agent Faraday called out as she pushed Ava forward into the prison.

            Ava tensed as eyes turned to her from behind the cell doors. She set her jaw and stared straight ahead making sure her hands didn’t shake and her heart didn’t pound so hard. The temptation to look at the prisoners around her became too great and she glanced at a cell on her left. A vicious snarl left the lips of the minotaur they had caught last week as the creature swiped out towards her. Trails of saliva hung from its lips; its teeth glinting even in the fluorescent lights overhead.

            “There’s no Bureau or Legends here to protect you now Sharpe!” one of the inmates yelled from the top platform.

            They kept walking past the cells and down a narrow corridor.

**Gravity-Steven Price**

Ava froze in her tracks, her body reacting before she could stop it.

            “No.” the words left her lips in a rush as she fought against the agent holding her arm.

            “Move inmate.”

Without thinking Ava shoved the agent into the wall and bolted for the common area they just left. The crackle of electricity reached her ears seconds before the prongs of the taser buried in her back. She screamed but she wasn’t sure if it was out loud as her body convulsed and her teeth clamped down hard on her tongue drawing blood. She tried to unclench her jaw but the current pulsing through her kept it locked tight. After what seemed like an eternity the electricity stopped, and she gasped out a breath. The metallic taste of her own blood filled her mouth and her eyes darted around for some way to escape.

            “Tsk. Tsk. Ava. I thought I trained you better.” A cold low voice seemed to bounce off the walls and surround her in the too narrow hall.

Ava froze. Memories of freezing cold water, fire, black gloves clutching brass knuckles, and needles came flooding back to her. She didn’t know if the memories were her own but right now she remembers the pain, the fear, the moments that she wished to die.

            “Welcome home Ava.” The man’s face came into view as he reached down with a cloth held loosely in his black-gloved hand.


	3. The Only Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes death is the only way.

Amaya shifted on her feet and crossed her arms staring down Gary as he fumbled to explain the evidence they had against Ava so far.

            “So let me get this straight. Your director was just arrested for murder and you didn’t know about it until she was brought into the bureau. Did you know the investigation was going on?” her brow furrowed further when Gary didn’t answer right away.

            “No. We didn’t know,” he paused staring down at his hands “but it makes sense. We are her agency. They couldn’t ask us to investigate.”

            “Gary…I hate to ask but is there any…”

            “What? No. It’s Ava we’re talking about.”

            “Like I said I have to ask. We don’t want to believe it either, but you guys don’t throw around charges unless there’s a reason.”

            “Or the person in question is a Legend.”

Amaya smiled slightly. Gary smiled back and sat up straighter in his chair, the tension somewhat relieved.

            “How’s Miss Lance?” Gary finally spoke bracing himself for the answer.

            “She’s.” Amaya sighed heavily and sat down in the captain’s chair.

Her eyes darted over her shoulder and down the hall to Sara’s quarters. Zari was sitting outside the door her head leaning against the door whispering something. After her breakdown and finding out that Ava was charged with killing her dad Sara had run into her room and ordered Gideon to lock the doors. When the AI refused she had ripped the circuitry out on the other side of the door sealing herself in.

            “Miss Jiwe?”

            “How do you think she is Gary?”

Gary reached for his tie again, the feel of the smooth fabric against his fingers was the only thing that was keeping him grounded at the moment. The tablet next to him beeped and he looked over to read the notification.

**Evidence File: Sharpe**

Amaya noticed his body tense as he looked at something out the frame of the video.

            “What is it Gary? What did you just see?” she asked her face concerned.

            “It’s…the file on Ava’s case.”

            “Send it to me.”  
            “You know I can’t do that.”

            “We’ll get it either way. You and I both know that. We have to work together on this.”

            “This is a bureau matter.” Gary tried to make his voice strong and sure like Ava’s when the legends ask for outrageous things, but he couldn’t help the tremble in his voice. The Legends made him nervous.

            “Gary please. We need to find out the truth. We care about her just as much as you. Let us help for both of their sakes.” Amaya sighed and leaned back letting her head fall back against the headrest.

            “Miss Jiwe you have a file transfer from Director Green.” Gideon’s voice cut in.

            “Thank you, Gary.” Amaya smiled at the man.

            “I did it for them. I ship them so hard this can’t be the way it ends.” Gary swallowed heavily as he watched the notifications pour in for meetings and missions for him to attend and assign.

            “I’ll let you know if we find anything.”

            “Likewise. Goodbye Miss Jiwe.”

Gary cut the connection and Amaya walked down the hall to join Zari. She slid down on the other side of the door and pulled her knees up to her chest.

            “Any luck with Gary?” Zari asked as she rubbed at her temples.

            “They don’t know anything, but he did send me the file for her case. Any luck getting her to open the door.”

            “No. She hasn’t talked to me since she sealed herself in there.”

The two women sat for a moment in silence and stared at the grey walls of the Waverider. The light above their head flickered. It must have happened when Sara destroyed the circuits to her door.

            “Sara. I know you’re hurting but shutting us out won’t help. We need to prove she’s innocent and we need you to do that. You know her better than any of us and I know you want to help. When you’re ready we’ll be in the library.” Zari shouted then stood and walked towards the kitchen for a sandwich.

            “Gideon…how is she?” Amaya asked tilting her head up towards the ceiling.

            “Not good Miss Jiwe.”

**My Immortal-Evanescence**

Sara curled further into the pillow in her arms. She swiped at her eyes but there were no tears to brush away. Another hiccup jumped from her lips as a sob caught in her chest. She stared over at the empty spot next to her. Ava’s spot. She threw the pillow in her arms over her shoulder and pulled the one from the other side to her chest. It smelled like Ava. The unique mix of lavender and citrus that was so Ava. She buried her face into the pillow and breathed deeply surrounding herself in the essence of the woman that she wished were there instead. Her eyes lifted meeting the pictures on the nightstand. The first one was of her and Ava at the Grand Canyon; Ava’s arms were wrapped around her tightly as she pressed a kiss to her cheek. The second one was of her and Laurel shortly after John Constantine had restored her soul. They were at Laurel’s apartment happy in their matching pajamas. The third one was…the picture from her father’s installment ceremony as mayor. Both of them were wearing matching smiles as he pulled her into a tight hug as the rest of the city looked on. Quentin had been there for her when she returned from the dead. Her mind flashed back to the nights she had spent curled up in his arms during thunderstorms when she was little. When she broke her arm on a hike when she was seven he had carried her down the mountain. He stayed up with her and ate ice cream with her after her first heartbreak. He had nursed her back to health after the stomachache that followed eating nearly a quart of Rocky Road ice cream. They would never talk again. She would never be able to tease him for the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. They would never go to a baseball game together again. She would never feel his arms around her again, keeping her close and making her feel safe and loved. She didn’t get the chance to tell him she loved him. She didn’t get the chance to say goodbye because he wasn’t supposed to die in 2017. He was supposed to die in 2018. At least in 2018, he had died knowing he was loved. Oliver, Felicity, fake Laurel had been there with him. He didn’t die alone. This time he had been murdered. She had murdered people before when she was with the league of course. The images of lifeless eyes and gasped breaths for loved ones raced through her mind. She shook them away and buried her nose further into the pillow. The smell of Ava…Ava. Ava murdered her father.

            Her hands fisted in the pillow as she slung her arm back to grab the knife she kept at her bedside. She stabbed the knife straight through the pillow drawing the blade back slowly as the cotton bulged out of the seam. The knife slashed again splitting the pillow open even further. She launched across the bed and threw the picture of her and Ava hard against the wall of her bedroom. The glass shattered littering the floor with pieces that shone like glitter in the low light of her room. Her attention turned back to the pillow again as she stabbed into the fabric over and over until nearly nothing remained. A small slip of brown paper peeped out from the destroyed cotton. She carefully pulled out the slip of paper tracing her finger along the careful lines of Ava’s handwriting.

**This spot reserved for the girlfriend of Sara Lance.**

Tears spilled onto the page causing the ink to bleed across the paper. She pulled the picture of her father and the paper to her chest and curled up in the middle of her bed and let the tears overtake her again. She loved both Ava and her father and a part of her knew that Ava wasn’t capable of hurting her like this. But she had been hurt before. Everyone she loved always died or left her and the only two people in her life had done just that. Her hand flew to her chest as she felt her breathing hitch and her chest tighten.

            “Captain Lance please breathe.”

Sara fell back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling still gasping for air. Grey spots were dancing in the corner of her vision and she couldn’t catch her breath. Her chest tightened again but this time she welcomed the darkness. Maybe death was the only way she could deal with this.


	4. What's your Name?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're as real as I feel about you.

Ava awoke to the sound of a knife being sharpened. Her head snapped up when she remembered where she was. The man had his back to her but she could see him meticulously sharpening a blade against the whetstone. He stopped suddenly as he if just realized she was conscious again. The thud of his boots echoed around the room as he walked closer to her. Light glinted off the thin blade he was tossing between his hands. Ava followed the movement some instinct telling her to prepare herself.

Left hand. Right hand. He stopped in front of her the sickening smile of his too white teeth shining down on her like a sadistic parent.

Left hand. Right hand. He reached over to her right arm and slowly slid the blade along the sleeve of the prison uniform cutting it open and leaving her arm exposed. He traced the newly exposed skin licking his lips at the thin line of blood that popped to the surface.

Left hand. Right hand. He was behind her now, his nose buried into her hair as she struggled to pull away but the restraints held her fast.

Left hand.

Right hand.

The scream ripped unrestrained past Ava’s lips when he buried the blade into her upper arm. Her breath came in pants as she tried to control the pain coursing through her arm.

            “Such a volatile reaction from you Ava. You should have more restraint.” He tutted as he walked over to the table he had been standing at before and plucked another knife from the case.

            “Why are you doing this?” She managed to pant through gritted teeth.

            “Let’s try that again shall we?” he said slicing into the sleeve of her left arm.

Ava tensed and braced herself. A distant memory telling her that he wouldn’t stop until she didn’t react. She opened her eyes and watched the blade.

Left hand. Right hand. Left hand. Right hand. Left hand. Right hand. Left hand. Right hand.

She anticipated the movement this time and braced for the blade. The pain ripped through her arm but she did not scream.

            “Good. I guess you remember some of the education before.” He genuinely smiled before pulling up a chair to sit directly in front of her. His fingers traced along her left arm gently before ripping the blade from her arm and tossing it onto the floor. The rush of warm blood painted her arm red and he wiped at it unceremoniously before taking her arm in his hand again.

            “Look at it.” He ordered.

Ava kept her eyes focused on a point just above his head. He pressed down into the wound and she couldn’t stop herself from gasping in pain.

            “I said look.” His voice was cold.

Ava stayed still. The chair banged hard against the floor as he stood suddenly and fisted a handful of her hair, snatching her head roughly to the side to look at her arm. It was still bleeding but not as bad as it should have been.

            “Tell me your name.” he spat as he snatched her head back to look him in the eyes.

            “Ava Sharpe.”

            “No. Your real name. I know you read your file. What is your name?”

            “My name is Ava Sharpe.”

His fist left her hair to connect hard with her face. Ava’s head snapped backward from the hit blood from her nose pouring down her throat.

            “What is your name?”

            “My name. Is Ava Sharpe.” She said with some difficulty as she tried to breathe.

The man turned sharply on his heel and back over to the table. He returned a few moments later with a folder and sat the chair upright again. Her eyes drifted to the back of the folder, her body tensing when she recognized the logo.

            “Advanced Variant Automation has introduced a new state of the art innovation in cloning technology. In July of 2213, the company launched its newest clone series the AVA 3.0. AVA 3.0 was built from the finest DNA samples from around the world and now have the ability to replicate human emotions,” he turned the page “purchase records for Client Rip Hunter. Desired function: Security, surveillance, and discipline. The client purchased a lifetime warranty including immediate replacement if damaged.”

Ava swallowed hard as she tried to fight back the tears that burned at the edges of her vision.

            “Purchase 1. Variant 456. Model AVA 3.0. Purchase returned due to damage from single GSW to the heart. Purchase 2. Variant 567. Model AVA 3.0. Purchase returned due to damage from blunt force trauma to the skull.” As he read he tossed out pictures of the returned AVAs on the ground in front of her.

            “Purchases 3-7. Variants 587, 600, 621, 658. Blah blah blah. Returned due to damages. Blah blah. Gunshots. Knife wounds. Poison. Beheaded.” He kept reading and throwing out pictures.

Ava bit her lip, her breathing speeding up as she waited for him to read the final invoice.

            “Purchase 12. Variant 1292. Model AVA 3.0. Enhancements requested. Increased durability. Memory creation and repression. Enhanced cognitive capabilities.” He tossed the final picture onto the floor.

Ava couldn’t stop herself from looking down at the pictures of the other clones laying on morgue tables and, in the middle, the final photo showing her and Rip at her installment as a lead field agent seven years ago. When she looked up the man was smiling at her, a laugh tinged his voice as he spoke.

            “I’ll ask you again. What is your name?”

            “Why are you doing this?”

            “You have their memories now right. That AI aboard the time ship restored them right?”

Ava flinched as she remembered all of the memories from the clones before her that Gideon has restored for her. They mostly included flashes of random people, outings, and nights spent on the couch, but there was a faint memory of her training before she became a time agent. A memory from before she met Rip when her abilities were being…developed.

            “I remember but why are you doing this now?”

            “That’s easy. You’re a murderer. They can’t put you in a regular jail so Director Young brought me from 2213 to reprogram you.”

            “I don’t need to be reprogrammed.”

            “You’re a clone. You killed someone. You have lost sight of your purpose Variant 1292. I’m here to…refresh your memory. You’ve forgotten that you aren’t real.”

_You’re as real as I feel about you._

Sara’s words broke through her consciousness and for a moment Ava smiled. She froze her body tensing as she realized that now Sara probably hated her. Sara’s love made her feel real and right now there was no way that Sara still loved her. Sara thought she was responsible for the murder of her father and that was an action that could not be forgiven. Her memories had been altered and deleted before...maybe the same things had happened again. It was possible. Rip had altered and suppressed the memories that he deemed unnecessary. Maybe she had done the same thing to herself? After all...she wasn’t real.

            “I’ll ask again,” the man's grin widened as he saw her shoulders slump “What is your name?”

            “I don’t have a name. I am Variant 1292 AVA Model 3.0.”

            “Good. Let’s continue shall we.”

Ava didn’t see the fist coming.


	5. If Only I Could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Legends are committed to clearing Ava's name but will they find the evidence they need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since I updated. School started back and I haven't had much time. Now it's the weekend and I plan on updating a few chapters. Leave me any and all feedback.

The Legends all stood around the captain’s desk in the library. Zari had linked the files Gary sent to the computer and they were all waiting for Amaya to play the video file. They had read over the other files and evidence logs from the case. The Bureau didn’t have a lot of evidence in the case but the small amount they had was pretty damning. Every piece of forensic evidence they had pointed back to Ava. The video was the last piece they hadn’t watched and they all were afraid of what they would see.

            “Just hit the button girlie.” Mick barked and took a long sip of his beer.

            “I was hoping Sara would join us. It doesn’t feel right.” Amaya whispered. Nate placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently.

            “Hit play Amaya. It’s okay.” Sara’s voice broke through the silence and they all turned to see their captain standing in the door.

Sara’s eyes were red and puffy and she was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a Starling City t-shirt. She stepped into the library and sat down on the edge of the chair Amaya was sitting in. Her eyes met Mick’s for a moment and he nodded once. Amaya hit play. In front of them, a projection of the video file began to play. A very alive Quentin Lance filled the screen sitting at his desk in the Mayor’s office. Sara choked down the sob that tried to force its way past her lips as the video continued. Quentin’s head lifted momentarily before the voice of his secretary cut in.

            “Mayor Lance there is a woman here to see you. She said she’s from the FBI her credentials check out.” The woman says offscreen.

            “Thank you. Show her in then head home. It doesn’t make sense for all of us to burn the candle on both ends.” Quentin replied smiling slightly.

            “Right this way miss. Goodnight Mayor Lance.”

Seconds later the sound of the door closing fills the scene and Ava Sharpe steps into frame. Ava’s hands are firmly behind her back the picture of an agent on a mission.

            “Just one moment. I do apologize.” Quentin looks up briefly before closing the folder he held and standing with his hand outstretched.

            “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mayor Lance.” Ava nodded and shook his hand.

            “Please have a seat. What can I help the Bureau with this evening?” Quentin sat down again as Ava sat across from him.

            “We have received troubling intel Mayor Lance. We have reason to believe that someone within your cabinet is working with a domestic terrorist by the name of Damien Darhk.”

            “Let me assure you that…”

            “Don’t interrupt me again,” Ava snapped “Mayor Lance we have evidence that implicates several members of your cabinet.”

            “What can I do to help?” Quentin responds his jaw clenching hard.

            “Hold still.”

            “What?”  
A knife materialized in Ava’s hand and quickly slashed across Quentin’s throat. He gasped and grasped as blood spilled through his fingers. His eyes went wide as he moved one hand to press against the button underneath his desk.

            “I disabled that earlier. I’m not new to this Mayor Lance.”   Ava said leaning down so she was next to his ear.

The gurgling sound spilling from Quentin’s mouth quieted and his head slumped against the back of the chair. His eyes met Ava’s defiance and anger burning in his gaze.

            “Sara.” He managed to gasp.

            “I’ll take good care of her. Don’t worry.” Ava smiled as she watched the other hand fall from Quentin’s neck.

A moment later she disappeared in a flash of orange light and the video cut to black.

            Amaya spun to look up at Sara a hand going to rest on Sara’s thigh.

            “Sara. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that.”       

            “No. It’s okay. I needed to know how it happened. Excuse me.” Sara nodded and patted Amaya’s hand before leaving the library.

            “Should someone follow her?” Nate asked as he watched her walk away.

            “I’ll check on her in a little bit. Right now we need to go through this file again until we find something that will help us clear Ava’s name.” Amaya said opening the evidence file again.

            “We literally just watched her slit a man’s throat and smile about it.” Zari chimed in.

            “Exactly. It was cold. Heartless. That’s not Ava’s style. Sure she can be stiff at times but that…she’s not capable of that. Especially to Sara’s father." Amaya’s mind flashed back to a conversation she and Ava had months before.

**In Your Arms-Nicolai Heidlas**

_8 months ago_

Amaya wandered into the kitchen of the Waverider her heart set on a cup of chocolate-vanilla swirl ice cream. It was 3 in the morning and the only sound that met her as she walked down the corridor was the hum of the temporal zone outside.

            “Swirl. Swirl.” She hummed to herself as she stepped into the kitchen and came up short.

Ava was sitting at the island a bowl of strawberry ice cream in front of her and tears spilling down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook from the sobs she was holding back her hand pressed tightly over her mouth.

            “Ava.” Amaya whispered as she stepped closer not wanting to startle the agent.

            “Oh. Amaya. Hey. Um…I…I couldn’t sleep…I’ll get out of your way.” Ava stammered as she scrubbed the traces of tears that lingered.

            “No. Stay. I was coming for some late-night ice cream too. It will be nice to have some company.” Amaya crossed over to the fabricator and pressed a few buttons giving the other woman some time to collect herself.

Amaya sat down across from Ava and scooped a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth giving Ava a chance to speak.

            “I’m not getting out of this conversation, am I?” Ava said picking at her bowl.

            “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to…but I’m here if you want to talk.”

            “Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a while. It wasn’t uncomfortable for either of them. They had hung out this way before. Ever since she and Sara began dating Ava had grown closer to the totem bearer who was basically Sara’s best friend on the ship.

            “It's about Sara.” Ava started after a while.

            “Ok.” Amaya pushed the empty bowl away to show she was listening.

            “It’s been 4 months since her dad died. She keeps telling me she’s okay but I know that she’s still hurting and I get it. Sara and her dad were so close. I still remember when she called me to tell me what happened. She sounded so…broken. I’ve never seen her like that before. It was scary. Not because of what happened but because there was…is nothing I can do.”

            “Ava the most we can do is be there for her.”

            “It’s not enough. There has to be something I can do. She has nightmares. She sees him dying over and over and every time she doesn’t get to say goodbye. I wish I could take her back. I wish that I could take her back to say goodbye and maybe that would help.”

            “Why can’t you?”

            “Because I know her. It wouldn’t be enough to say goodbye. She would try and find a way to save him and there’s no way that can happen.”

            “How do you know that?”

Ava blushed and shifted uncomfortably. Amaya’s eyes widened.

            “You used Zari’s program.”

            “A million possibilities and he doesn’t survive in any of them.”

            “Ava,” Amaya takes the other woman’s hand in her own “Sara loves you and honestly I don’t think she would be able to handle this if you weren’t here. She’ll be okay. She has all of us to help her through this. Don’t worry. Now. How are you?”

Ava’s breath hitches and she blinks back tears.

            “I…its been hard. I know it's not about me but hearing Sara’s stories about her dad makes me wish I had that. Maybe then I could understand what she’s feeling. I know its selfish of me. Why am I even thinking about myself right now?”

            “Ava. You’re human. It’s normal…”

            “I’m not.”

            “What?”

            “Human. I’m a clone remember. I have no right to feel the way I do.”

            “Do you love her?”

            “What? Of course I do.”

            “What you’re feeling is normal. When Nate has nightmares about his grandfather’s death I hurt right along with him. Be there for her. Hold her when she cries. Let her talk. Be you.”

Ava is crying again, tears are streaming down her cheeks and Amaya walks around the corner to pull the taller woman into a hug. She gently rubs her back as she cries.

            “I wish I could make her pain go away.”

            “I know.”

_Present day_

            “Earth to Amaya Jiwe.” Zari said waving her hand in front of the other totem bearer’s face.

            “What? I’m sorry I spaced out.”

            “No kidding. I said I just realized something about the video.”

            “What?”

            “When she left she didn’t open a portal or even touch her courier.”


	6. Mirror Images

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava has an unexpected ally but will help come too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!

Ava’s back hit the concrete floor hard as she was pushed into her cell. She hissed at the pain shooting up her wrists as she pushed herself up to a seating position. Her arms were littered with cuts and burn marks. The back of her throat was still slick with blood and the metallic taste was overwhelming. Ava pushed herself backward until her back hit the bars of the cell and she tried to breathe through the pain.

            “Ava?” the voice of her cellmate cut through her mind.

She pressed her eyes tight and refused to open them even though she heard them move closer.

            “Ava…Ava”

A hand reached out and gently touched her cheek. The press of the cooler skin felt amazing against her flushed skin and she clenched her jaw unwilling to show how weak she felt. Her eyes opened and she immediately wished she had kept them closed as she met the dark eyes of Nora Darhk.

            “That’s not my name.” Ava moved away from her as quickly as she could. Nora pulled back and sat on her knees in front of her.

            “What are you doing in here? Aren’t you the director.”

            “Obviously not anymore.” She winced as she felt her ribs pull when she tried to sit up straighter.

            “Let me help.” Nora reached towards her.

            “Don’t fucking touch me.” Ava snapped her voice cold and low. Her eyes burned with fury towards the other woman, but faltered when she saw nothing but concern in Nora’s eyes.

            Nora nodded and walked back over to the bunk, picked up the book she had been reading from the bottom and stretched out across the top bunk. Ava gingerly made her way over to the bunk and slumped onto the bed her body protesting the movement for a moment before relaxing.

            “I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” Nora whispered.

            “Ok. Who are you and what did you do with Nora Darhk?”

            “I…I’m trying to become a better person.”

            “What’s the point? We are who we are. We can’t change where we come from.”

            “No, but we can change where we end up and what we do to get there.”

            “Ray really got inside your head.”

Ava's eyes widened when she heard Nora full on giggle. She had noticed the two getting close during the battle with Mallus and hearing the fondness in her voice as she talked about the man now only confirmed her suspicions.

            “What did you do to end up here director?”

            “Why are you still here Nora?”

            “Escaping your time prison wouldn’t really fit into the becoming a better person deal.”

            “True. Besides you wouldn’t be able to get past our security anyway.”

            “I wouldn’t have to. I mean…I could have before you took my time stone.”

            “What are you talking about?”  
            “My father’s time stone. The one you took two weeks ago.”

Ava fell quiet her mind racing at the words the woman had just spoken. Her first instinct was anger at the agents that were supposed to secure all personal belongings. The next thought was that this was new information to her and she had to find a way to tell Gary.

            “Ava.” Nora’s voice cut through the fog of her mind.

Ava gulped and refused to answer her. The woman called her name again and she clenched her eyes shut, the name felt like a stabbing pain in her chest. Something that deep down she knew she never deserved.

            “That’s not my name.” she finally responded through gritted teeth.

Nora leaned over the side of the bunk and stared down at the blonde. She traced her eyes over the time agent her eyes focusing on the slashed arms of the prison uniform and the still healing cuts along her upper arms that seemed deep. The woman’s eyes were closed and her lips pressed into a tight line as she tried to breathe normally but the slight hitch let Nora know that the agent at least had some bruised ribs.

            “What did they do to you?”

            “What I deserved.”

            “Do they hurt?”

            “No.”

            “So what did you do.”

            “I don’t want to talk about it.”

            “How are things with Sara?”

Nora was still leaning over the side of the bed and saw the way that Ava’s shoulders momentarily relaxed and the slight smile that played at the edges of her mouth, but it faded away quickly and her shoulders tensed even tighter than before.

            “That ship has sailed.” Ava swallowed heavily.

            “That’s a good thing right?”

            “No its not.” a voice Nora didn’t recognize said from the cell door.

Nora sat up on the bunk her eyes meeting the older gentlemen smiling down at Ava. His arms were folded across his chest a smile that was too wide on his face.

            “Variant 1292 rise and come to the bars.” He barked.

Nora watched confused as Ava rose from the bunk and stepped slowly towards the bars. The woman’s head hung low but her back was straight as she tried to disguise the slight limp in her walk.

            “Lift your head 1292.”

Ava obeyed. Ava swallowed hard when she registered the anger in the man’s stance. What had she done now? Nora was there. Surely he wouldn’t.

            “Turn around. Back against the bars.”

She hesitated for a moment, her eyes darting over to the cells across from them. The eyes of every prisoner were fixed on the cell that held the director that threw them behind bars in the first place.

            “Variant 1292 I said back against the bars…now.”

Ava finally turned so that her back was pressed against the cool bars and her eyes met Nora’s. Nora was sitting at the edge of the bunk now her fingers gripping the edge until her knuckles turned white. She lunged from the bunk as the man jerked Ava into a chokehold, her head slamming against the cell bars as she struggled in his arms. Nora’s hand shot out her mind set on sending this man straight to hell but nothing happened.

            “Friendships are a weakness 1292. Relationships are a weakness 1292. Sara doesn’t love you. You’re a concept not a person. Relationships are reserved for real people. People who can feel emotion not just copy what they have seen.” He spat his grip tightening when Ava clawed down his arm leaving angry marks on his skin.

            “I love her.” Ava gasped even though white spots were beginning to swim in front of her eyes.

            “Why are you doing this?” Nora screamed, her eyes scanning for the other guards.

All the guards were shifting uncomfortably on their feet. Their eyes darting everywhere but to the cell. No one moved to help. The other prisoners were shouting and screaming for the man to kill the director. Nora crossed the cell and reached through the bars slamming the man’s head into the bars too quickly for him to react. He released Ava his hand going up to wipe the blood from his nose. He looked at Nora for a moment before turning his attention to Ava again.

            “You see Ava. Pain is tangible we understand that. It's just nerves firing to tell us something is wrong. Emotions aren’t like pain. They aren’t tangible so we don’t understand them. We can only copy what we see. I look angry right now because I’ve seen others be angry. I’m a shell uploaded with knowledge and trained to do a job. Just like you and the sooner you remember...”

            “Variant 5843.” Director Young’s voice echoed around the walls.

The black-gloved man straightened and placed his hands behind his back as the director approached. Nora crouched down next to Ava who was still gasping for air, Nora made note of the small trickle of blood running down the back of the woman’s head.

            “Yes sir.”

            “Update on the reprogramming of our asset.”

            “Of course sir,” he turned and took a step towards the cell again “Variant 1292 stand and come to the bars.”

Ava steeled her features and stood walking slowly towards the bars. Variant 5843 opened the cell door and ava stepped out to join him, her arms stiffly behind her back.

            “State your name.” he began.

            “I am Variant 1292 Model AVA 3.0.”

            “What is your directive 1292?”

            “My prime directive is the security and safety of the human assets of the Time Bureau. In the event that a human is placed in danger, it is my duty to neutralize the threat even at the expense of self.”

            “Very good. Director Young as you can see the initial reprogramming has proved successful.”

            “Words are well and good Variant 5843 but actions speak louder.” Director Young barked.

            “Of course sir.” Without warning, he drew a gun from his belt and fired it towards Nora who was standing at the edge of the cell.

Ava saw the twitch of his hand and knew immediately what he was planning. She stepped to the left shielding Nora from the bullet. The bullet ripped through the thin fabric of the prison uniform and lodged itself in her chest. She barely registered Nora’s scream as her knees buckled. Nora was by her side seconds later.

            “Sara.” She gasped unable to hold back the tears spilling down her cheeks.

            “I’ll find a way to tell her.” Nora whispered as she was dragged back into the cell by the guards.

Nora’s face was replaced with Variant 5843 and Director Young. The director had a satisfied smirk on her face and clapped the other man on the back.

            “You’ll earn your name yet.” Director Young said as he walked away.

The other clone kneeled down next to her and pressed his hands against her wound. She felt herself being lifted onto a gurney and pushed down the narrow hallway again. The door closed behind them with a loud thud and the only sound that filled the room was Ava’s desperate gasps for air. The clone moved his hands and wiped the blood on her shirt before moving away to sit on the table in the corner. Ava’s head turned to stare at him as she lifted her own hands to feebly press against the wound. He simply stared at her for a moment then smiled as someone entered from a door on the other side of the room. Just before the blackness filled her vision Ava saw a tall blonde woman walk over to the man and wrap her arms around his neck. Their lips meeting in a tender kiss. The woman then turned to look at her, a sick smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. The final thing she saw before the darkness was her own eyes staring back.


	7. Epithet Epiphanies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara prepares to attend her father's funeral for the second time but there is no way to prepare for the unexpected guests.

Sara pulled the thick rope of her hair out of the jacket and pulled finished buttoning it up before looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were still tinged red around the edges and her freckles stood out deeply against her flushed face.

            “Are you sure you want to do this?” Amaya’s broke her musing.

Sara simply nodded and turned on her heels to leave the room but she was met with Zari standing in front of her concern in her eyes.

            “His death this time is an anachronism Sara. We’ll figure out how to fix it.”

            “We can try but if Av…she is responsible for this it’s a possibility that it will cement before we can change anything.” Sara huffed forcing her voice to stay steady.

            “You know she didn’t do this right,” Amaya whispered.

            “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

            “Sara.”

            “What Amaya,” Sara snapped her head whipping around to look at Amaya “I watched as my girlfriend killed my dad and there’s nothing I can do to stop it right now.”

            “Ava would never do that. She loves you.”

            “Does she? If she loved me so much why did she let herself get arrested? Why did she leave me?” Sara voice broke on the last part an audible hitch in her breath.

            “Sara she didn’t.” Amaya reached out to her but Sara shrugged her away.

            “I don’t have time for this. Gideon ready the jumpship to go to 2017.” Sara pushed past Zari and strode away from the two totem bearers.

            “Amaya. Sara…she,” Zari whispered.

            “She didn’t mean it. She’s hurting and she’s not thinking clearly.”

            “Should we follow her?”

            “No. She needs some space from all of this for a while. Did you have any luck figuring out what the Ava in the video used to escape.”

            “Oh yeah. Ray thinks she used a timestone based on the temporal displacement signature that interfered with the camera.”

            “Timestones? The Darhks are the only people I know who used those.”

            “Right. Ray is on his way to the Bureau to see if he can talk with Nora.”

_Starling City 2017_

Sara starred out at the almost endless green field in front of her. She closed her eyes and focused on the sound of the grass brushing against the ship and the whistle of the wind outside. A light dusting of rain pattered against the windshield.

            “Gideon. What time is it locally?”

            “2 pm, Captain Lance.”

            “Thank you Gideon.”

Taking a final breath she stepped outside of the jumpship and began walking over the hill to the cemetery on the other side. She easily mixed in with the other mourners and pulled her hood over her head. She found a spot near a looming oak to watch the service. As she watched the black hearse pull up to the curb closely followed by two black cars her mind drifted to a similar day almost a year ago now.

_Starling City 2018_

Sara stared out at the cemetery; her eyes focused on the marble headstone and the open grave next to it. A small pile of freshly turned dirt set next to the grave waiting to be symbolically shoveled over the freshly interred casket once the ceremony was over. Before she could be consumed by the thought a hand reached over and linked fingers with hers. She turned her eyes meeting Ava’s blue-grey ones. For a moment she allowed herself to indulge in the love that she could feel radiating off the other woman. Ava leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead and the top of her head.

            “We can sit here for a while if you need to. We don’t have to get out yet.” Ava whispered into her hair.

Sara simply nodded and closed her eyes trying to focus on Ava’s steady breath and the warmth of the woman’s hand in hers. She was startled out of her thoughts when she heard the crunch of gravel against tires. When she raised her head, she saw the hearse pulling up to the gravesite. A single black car parked behind it. Her mother stepped out of the car followed by Felicity and fake Laurel. She tensed her grip tightening around Ava’s fingers.

            “Why is she here?” Sara spat through gritted teeth.

She pulled her hand away from Ava and threw open the car door striding over to the other women. Before she could reach them Ava’s arms wrapped around her from behind and turned her around.

            “What are you doing?” Sara huffed.

            “Sara.”

            “Why is she here? He wasn’t her father.”

            “I know but she is here to pay her respects. Don’t you think that’s what your dad would have wanted.”

            “How would I know? I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye remember,” she pulled away from Ava and turned on the taller woman her voice cracking and her cheeks flushed with anger “She did though. She got to say goodbye to MY dad. Her. The woman walking around with my dead sister’s face gets to be with my dad in his dying moments but not me.”

            “Sara please calm down. You’re not thinking clearly and I don’t want you to say or do something you will regret later. Please just take my hand and let’s walk for a bit.” Ava reached out towards her but Sara’s eyes were fixed over her shoulder.

Ava looked over her shoulder and watched as they pulled the smooth black casket out of the hearse. The officers who were acting as pallbearers lifting it between them their eyes focused but shining with tears as they prepared to carry Quentin Lance to his final resting place. She turned back towards Sara just in time to see the smaller blonde’s knees buckle. Ava wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close to her chest as Sara buried her face in her shoulder. Sara’s fingers fisted in the material of Ava’s jacket a muffled scream ripping from her throat as the tears took over. Ava wrapped her arms around her and rubbed slow circles onto the woman’s back.

            “I’m here baby. I’m here. Let it out. I’m right here. I got you.” Ava whispered as she kissed the top of Sara’s head again. A few moments later she was joined by Felicity and Dinah Lance. Sara pulled herself from Ava’s arms and hugged Felicity tight.

            “You must be Ava.” Dinah Lance smiled slightly but the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

            “I wish we were meeting under better circumstances.” Ava shook the older woman’s hands.

            “As do I.”

Sara hugged her mother tight both women losing the battle against their tears. When Sara stepped away from her mother her eyes met fake Laurel’s. The other woman was standing by a tree watching them from afar. Sara took a breath and then beckoned her to come closer. The other woman joined them hesitantly but relaxed when Sara gave her a reassuring nod. The four of them then turned to walk to the gravesite. Sara slipped her hand into Ava’s and Ava tugged on her arm pulling her closer. A silent promise. I’m right here.

_Starling City 2017_

Sara watched her mother walking up to the gravesite. A tissue clutched firmly in her grasp sobs racking her body as she and Laurel walked arm in arm to the site.

            “I wish Sara were here.” Dinah hiccupped.

            “Me too mom.” Laurel wiped at her own tears as the priest started the ceremony.

Sara felt the familiar sting of the tears building at the edges of her eyes. She swiped at them and focused her attention on the casket. It was so short. Her father wasn’t much taller than her but just like the last time she couldn’t help but focus on how small the casket made her father seem. Her eyes scanned the mourners gathered to remember her father. Unlike the first time, there were fewer people. A small smile pulled at the edges of her mouth as she thought about how many lives her father had touched in only a year’s difference. As she continued scanning the crowd her smile faded when she met a set of blue-grey eyes that stared back at her from a tree on the edge of the cemetery. Without thinking she turned on her heel and bolted towards the woman who was quickly making her way down the gravel path. Ava turned her eyes meeting Sara’s for a brief moment making Sara come up short. The eyes were the same but different somehow. Ava smirked before pulling a timestone from her pocket and disappearing in a flash of orange. Sara’s eyes widened rational thought rushing back to her quickly followed by guilt at her momentary lapse of judgment that made her doubt Ava. She raced back to the jumpship. As she strapped herself in she turned on her comms.

            “Amaya I’m on my way back. Set up a connection to the Bureau I need to talk to Gary.”


	8. Lost

“Ava. Babe wake up,” Sara’s voice cut through the fog of Ava’s mind.

Ava shifted slightly on the hard bed beneath her. Her chest felt sore and she reached up to rub the spot as she tried to wake up.

            “Sara?” Ava questioned as she opened her eyes to gaze into the bright blue orbs that she had grown to love drowning in.

            “Good morning sleepyhead.” Sara purred before leaning down to kiss Ava’s lips gently.

Ava froze. This wasn’t right. It couldn’t be. The memory of being shot came flooding back to her. She remembered being wheeled into that dark room with the other clones. The man with the black gloves and the clone that looked like her. She remembered it, yet she was here on the Waverider with Sara. With Sara. Sara the love of her life who was smiling down at her like she was the best thing in the world. Sara who was slowly tracing fingers through her hair careful not to pull at the stitches along her scalp. Sara who willingly moved closer to kiss her when she pulled her arm down to connect their lips. Sara who giggled with flushed cheeks when Ava rolled her onto her back and kissed the spot on her collarbone that made the smaller blonde gasp. The woman’s voice was loud in her ears as she muttered an incoherent mix of Ava’s name, I love yous and don’t leave mes. Sara who wasn’t mad at her for killing…

            “Sara. Baby. What happened at the Bureau? Everything is foggy.” Ava whispered swallowing hard.

            “Oh Ava,” Sara held her head in her hands “we’re still here.”

            Ava was ripped into consciousness by electricity coursing through her veins. She only let out a small scream as her body continued to convulse. When the electricity stopped she sat panting in a chair her arms and legs held down by restraints that rippled with the electricity running through them. She couldn’t stop the tear that broke away and raced down her face. It had seemed so real. As she tried to control her breathing she noticed the slight pinch of electrodes on her temple.

            “Memories are such fickle things.” Variant 5843 came into view holding a small tablet in his hands.

            Ava stared up at him her eyes cold as she watched him tap away at the tablet. She flinched as he turned the screen to her. A stream of code played across the screen, the sequences ones that she recognized from Gideon’s regression treatment months prior.

            “I already know my memories can be manipulated.” Ava spat.

            “Ok. So how can you tell which ones are real?” he pulled a chair to sit in front of her a smug smile on his face.

            “I know the past six years have been real. I know my moments with Sara are real.”

            “Like the moment you just experienced now? The one I created for you.”

            “No. That wasn’t.”

            “But it felt real…didn’t it.”

Ava didn’t respond and instead turned her head to the door in the corner. The other AVA from earlier entered and pulled up a seat next to the male clone. They smiled at each other and then turned back to her.

            “Variant 1292 I would like you to meet Director Ava Sharpe.” The man smiled and kissed the woman on the cheek.

            “What?”

            “So you’re the clone causing me all this trouble.” The woman straightened her back and stared with narrowed eyes.

            “No. You aren’t. I’m.”

            “You’re what,” the man’s fingers danced across the screen and Ava felt the restraints pulse as they prepared to discharge.

            “I thought you were supposed to reprogram me so I could go back to work.” Ava hissed.

            “I will reprogram you but she’s the fallback plan. Just in case we can’t get that murderous streak out of you.”

            “I didn’t murder anyone.”

            “But 1292…don’t you remember?”

_A flash of orange light surrounded her and Ava felt herself being pulled through time. She opened her eyes to the outside of Starling City Hall. She straightened her back and walked inside for the second time that day. She smiled thinking about how she had snuck into her target’s office earlier to disable the alarm under his desk._

_“Excuse me miss. I know it’s later but I was hoping to talk with Mayor Lance its urgent.” Ava smiled at the receptionist._

_“Your name?”_

_“Ava Sharpe I’m with the FBI.” Ava showed the woman her badge and waited for her to check her credentials._

_“One moment.” The woman walked away from her for a moment then returned and ushered her into the office._

_Quentin Lance was sitting behind his desk. His brow furrowed as he read a file and scribbled notes on a small pad beside him._

_“Just one moment. I do apologize.” Quentin looked up briefly before closing the folder he held and standing with his hand outstretched._

_“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mayor Lance.” Ava nodded and shook his hand._

_“Please have a seat. What can I help the Bureau with this evening?” Quentin sat down again as Ava sat across from him._

_Her eyes drifted to the frames on his desk. One had a picture of him and Sara at his installation. The same one that sat on Sara’s dresser. The other was of Laurel and Sara when they were little. Both girls were sporting happy ice cream covered smiles. Ava scoffed in her head happiness was overrated._

_“We have received troubling intel Mayor Lance. We have reason to believe that someone within your cabinet is working with a domestic terrorist by the name of Damien Darhk.”_

_“Let me assure you that…”_

_“Don’t interrupt me again,” Ava snapped. She enjoyed the slight flinch at her bark “Mayor Lance we have evidence that implicates several members of your cabinet.”_

_“What can I do to help?” Quentin responds his jaw clenching hard._

_“Hold still.”_

_“What?”  
Ava slid the knife from her sleeve and took one step closer to the desk. Her hand shot out and slashed the knife across his throat. He gasped and grasped as blood spilled through his fingers. His eyes went wide as he moved one hand to press against the button underneath his desk. Ava chuckled and moved to stand next to the dying man._

_“I disabled that earlier. I’m not new to this Mayor Lance.” Ava said leaning down so she was next to his ear._

_The gurgling sound spilling from Quentin’s mouth quieted and his head slumped against the back of the chair. His eyes met Ava’s defiance and anger burning in his gaze._

_“Sara.” He managed to gasp._

_“I’ll take good care of her. Don’t worry.” Ava smiled as she watched the other hand fall from Quentin’s neck._

_She pulled the timestone from her pocket and traveled back to 2019._

_Ava stepped into her apartment and shrugged off the Bureau jacket and hung it on the hanger next to the door. She stored the now clean knife in the safe in her home office and slowly made her way to her bedroom. Sara was already fast asleep her arms wrapped around Ava’s pillow. Ava slid in next to her and tugged the pillow from the woman replacing it with her own body. Sara opened one eye and smiled._

_“Hey babe. How was work?” Sara mumbled as she snuggled closer into her embrace._

_“It was an easy day. One assignment in and out.” Ava kissed Sara’s now closed eyelids and pulled the cover around them tighter._

_“I love you. Can you set an alarm for the morning? I have to meet with Felicity in the morning.”_

_“I love you too. Of course I will. I’ll always take care of  you.”_

Ava was tugged back to consciousness and the smiling faces of the clone in front of her.

            “That wasn’t real.” Ava shook her head trying to clear away the false memory even though she could feel the adrenaline from the memory pumping through her veins.

            “I told you 1292 we can only replicate emotions. Your so called love for Sara feels just as real as the happiness of that memory doesn’t it.”

Ava didn’t respond and instead just linked eyes with the other version of her.

            “It doesn’t really matter anyway. The Bureau has a new Ava. A better Ava. My best creation.” Varian 5842 leaned over and kissed the woman on her cheek and then stood to leave.

            “I’ll let you two talk.” He said walking out the door.

The other clone stood and moved her chair closer. Ava couldn’t help but flinch at seeing herself mirrored back.

            “It was me,” the clone started “I took the timestone from that witch and traveled back to 2017 to kill that idiot Quentin Lance and he never saw it coming. That memory you just experienced was mine.”

            “You should be sitting in this chair not me.”

            “I didn’t want it to happen this way but I was sick of being in that fucking lab in 2213. They wanted me to become a nanny. I was two days away from my programming to take care of other peoples brats when I ran into 5842. He’s a prototype. It’s kind of sad how important he thinks he is. I forged a few papers that would convince the Bureau he was a programmer and trainer. That he trained you. They believed it so easily especially with Rip being dead and unable to tell them any different. It’s kind of pathetic really.”

            “What does any of this have to do with me? Why kill Sara’s dad? Why have me arrested? How is any of this helping you?”

            “Right. I went on a tangent there huh. I killed Lance because I needed Sara and the rest of those idiots out of the way and if the way she looked at me at the funeral is any indication she hates you.”

            “You visited Sara.” Ava’s head whipped up her hands clenching into fists.

            “Yeah. You should have seen her. All red-eyed, puffy faced and angry.”

            “If you hurt her.”

            “Hurt her? She wanted to hurt me. You should have seen the way she bolted after me. Anyways it won’t matter soon. 5842 will tell the Bureau you can’t be reprogrammed and died in the attempt, and I will take your place per Bureau protocols.”

            “Until you die and they get another one.”

Ava’s back arched as electricity ripped through her body. She sunk into the seat moments later panting for breath.

            “We are things 1292. Machines wrapped in skin to be used until we break or become obsolete. I’ve accepted that. Sure I may die like the others. Like you. But at least I won’t die in denial about what I am. We aren’t real 1292. Sara doesn’t know the difference between you and me. Neither will anyone else.”

            “Sara will know. Sara will find me.”

            “You’re so naïve 1292.” The woman reached over and hit play on the tablet the man had left behind.

It crackled for a moment before sobs were heard on the recording.

            _Ava how could. You told me you loved me and then left me without a second thought. You abandoned me when I needed you. You said you loved me. You don’t hurt the people you love Ava. I should have known everyone in my life leaves me. You’re no different than any of them. You’re just like them. A copy. Well fuck you Ava Sharpe. I don’t need anyone. I don’t need you._

A glass shattered in the background and the tape cut off.

            Ava’s eyes fixed on the other clone’s trying to detect any hint of deceit but there was none.

            “Just do it already. Get it over with.” Ava whispered as she relaxed her body and closed her eyes. The electricity crackled around her tearing through her body. She could feel it ripping across her muscles, her body screaming for the pain to stop. Pain was something she understood. Just nerves firing telling her something was wrong. She felt her body giving up but she welcomed the new sensation. She knew she was dying but she didn’t care. She wouldn’t cry like the people in movies. She wouldn’t waste her dying breath calling out anyone’s name. Emotions were for real people. Variant 1292 Model AVA 3.0 wasn’t real.


	9. Only Time Will Tell

Ray Palmer sat shifting uncomfortably at the small table in the basement of the Time Bureau. Because of her help with Mallus Ava had granted Nora visitation privileges which was unheard of prior. They had constructed a makeshift visitation room just past the security checkpoint with a small table and two metal chairs. One of which was currently fighting against Ray’s attempts to keep a decent posture. His attention shifted from the chair to the door that swung open a few feet away as Nora was escorted out by a guard. Her eyes were watery with tears as she sat down across from him. Without thinking he reached out and placed his hands over hers.

            “Hey. What’s wrong,” he said his brow furrowing.

            “Ray you have to get her out of here,” Nora leaned in closer her voice low “they’re going to kill her.”

            “What? Who?”

            “Ava. I don’t know what they think she did but she doesn’t deserve what they’re doing to her.”

            “What are they doing?”

            “I don’t know entirely but they shot her and they were calling her by a number.”

            “They shot her.” His voice raised and the guard bristled in the corner.

            “Ray. Will you do me a favor? I need to get a message to Gary and Sara.”

            “Sure. Of course. But can I ask you a question first. Your…um…timestone. Do you still have it.”

Nora smiled and wrapped Ray’s hands tighter in hers. She tried to ignore the blush that she felt creeping onto her cheeks and the shiver that raced down her spine.

            “No. That’s what I needed to tell Gary. Two weeks ago Ava showed up at my cell. She had some device in her hand and said that she was picking up temporal displacement from my cell.”

            “So Ava took your timestone.” Ray sighed disgruntled.

            “She looked like Ava but I’m not sure it was her anymore. When they brought Ava into the cell she had no idea what I was talking about.”

            “So Ava…or not Ava still has the stone. Which means we can locate it using the temporal zone signature” Ray smiled and kissed Nora’s hands before bolting from the table.

            “Ray wait, “ Nora shouted after him.

            “Right the other message for Sara.”

            “I love you. That’s what Ava said to tell Sara.” Nora clarified when she saw Ray pale slightly.

            “Right. I’ll pass the message along,” he turned to rush out the door before stopping again “Nora. Be careful.”

Nora nodded and watched him go before turning to allow herself to be handcuffed and taken back to her cell. As they walked down the hall towards her cell her eyes drifted to the narrow hallway at the other side of the common area. Her brow furrowed as she watched an impeccably dressed Ava Sharpe step out of a room followed by the gloved man from before and two guards wheeling a gurney.

            Sara’s fist connected with another agent' as they tried to stop her from getting to the director’s office.

            “Gary,” she screamed at the top of her lungs dodging another attack and sending the agent flying into the nearby desks.

At her side, Zari and Amaya were working their way through the other agents that had swarmed around them when they stepped off the elevator. They had tried for nearly an hour to get in touch with the man to no avail. Sara had finally gotten fed up with going through proper channels and decided to do things the Legends way.

            “Stand down.” A gruff voice barked out and the agents separated their eyes still fixed on the intruders.

Sara’s eyes widened as Gary stepped into view. The usually mousey and nervous man was wearing a stern expression. His back perfectly straight, a thin streak of grey forming along his temple. The usual dorky grin and brow wet with nervous sweat was bowed into a frown as his jaw flexed. Anger and agitation rolled off of him in waves.

            “What can I help you with Miss Lance?” he barked stepping directly into her space.

            “We need to talk about Ava.”

            “Former director Sharpe is none of your concern. She has spent the last week paying for her crimes per Bureau protocol and will be reintroduced when her handler sees fit.”

            “Gary. What happened to you?”

            “I did what was best for the mission. My agency needed me and despite my personal feelings about the situation I maintained professionalism and carried on. You could try it sometimes Miss L,” his words were cut off when Sara’s fist connected with his face.

            “Don’t you dare.” Sara whispered her voice low and dripping with venom.

Amaya placed a hand on Sara’s shoulder. She felt the other woman’s muscles tensing to strike beneath her fingers. The tension was broken by the sound of heels on the tiled floor and a measured voice breaking the silence.

            “Miss Lance. It would be in your best interest to stand down.”

Sara spun at the sound of Ava’s voice. Her eyes locked with the taller blonde as she walked over to them. From the corner of her eye she saw Gary’s shoulders relax, his posture slipping back into the slight slouch she had grown to know.

            “Ava?” Sara frowned.

The woman standing before her looked like Ava, sounded like her, the posture was the same, but something in her eyes was different.

            “Yes Miss Lance.” Ava raised an eyebrow at her in frustration.

            “Ava…are you okay?” Sara reached a hand out to touch the woman’s shoulder and she stepped away from her grasp.

            “Miss Lance I was going to do you the courtesy of breaking up in private but seeing your disregard for my place of work has caused me to reconsider. It’s over. This façade of a relationship that we have maintained over this past year while fun can no longer persist.”

            Sara flinched the words cutting her deep. This wasn’t her Ava. It couldn’t be. Ava wouldn’t say such things. She had come here to prove Ava’s innocence. Nate was waiting outside for the signal to bring in the travel logs from Ava’s real courier along with a letter from the AVA Corporation stating they were missing two clones one being a male prototype.

            “I need to speak to Gary…” Ray burst into the room and trailing off as he saw the standoff happening. His focus shifting between a very alive and seemingly healthy Ava Sharpe and his captain whose eyes glistened with unshed tears.

            “What Mr. Palmer?” Gary straightened again and walked over to the scientist.

            “Oh…um…I just spoke with Nora Darhk and she wanted me to tell you that Ava has her timestone.”

            “That’s absurd. Agents are prohibited from using timestones due to their unreliability and residual temporal signature and no timestone has been placed in the vault.”

            “Well according to Nora, Ava visited her two weeks ago and took the one that I cannot confirm or deny was given to her before her imprisonment.” Ray sputtered shifting nervously.

            “Agent Sharpe,” Gary barked over his shoulder “please hold out your hands so we can put an end to this timestone nonsense.”

Gary pulled a small white rectangle from his pocket and stepped over to the woman. A soft blue glow bathed over her hands.

            “What is that?” Ray asked over his shoulder.

            “As I said before timestones are not authorized for use by agents due to their residual signature.”

            “Time dust.” Mick’s gruff voice cut across the room as he and Nate finally entered the area.

            “In simplest terms yes. The…time dust is left behind when traveling and can cause unintended effects if it spreads. If Ava had used or even touched a timestone we will know in a moment.”

            “Is this really necessary director.” Ava gulped as the blue light bathed over her hands again.

            Sara who had not moved since earlier slipped the thin stiletto from its sheath at her waist and waited. She hadn’t missed the nervous glint that flashed momentarily through Ava’s eyes. Seconds later the device flashed orange and Gary’s eyes flicked upward to the tall blonde in front of him confused. Sara was on her in an instant. She dug the knife into the woman’s throat as she pushed her down onto the floor. Her face was inches from her the familiar tingle of bloodlust played at the nape of her neck.

            “Where is she?” Sara spat through gritted teeth.

            “Stand down!” Gary yelled at the agents that had taken a step towards Sara.

            “Sar-bear.” The woman gasped.

            “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare call me that. You’re the missing clone from the facility. You’re not my Ava. Where is she?” Sara pressed the knife closer. A thin line of blood pooled on its edges.

            “What the hell is going on here Director Greene” Director Young stepped through a portal confusion written on his face.

            “Sir. Agent Sharpe has been in contact with a timestone which is against Bureau protocol.”

            “I am aware. She used it to travel back to 2017 and kill Mayor Lance but she has been replaced with a new AVA so there will be no further incidents.”

            “Replaced?” Sara’s grip faltered for a moment.

            “Sir I don’t understand. This Ava has the timestone residue.”

            “That’s impossible. The AVA responsible for the murder has been deactivated and is being disposed of as we speak.”

            “Sir. I think we’ve made a grave mistake.”

Gary walked over to Director Young talking frantically. Nate joined him explaining the pages he held in his hand to the two men. Confusion was replaced with anger on Director Young’s face as he strode over to where Sara was still pinning down the clone. Sara felt herself being pulled up gently by the arms. She only slightly registered the snick of handcuff around the clone’s wrist. Gary reading out the charges that had once been placed against her Ava now being read to the truly guilty party. Her brain taking a moment to process everything. Replaced. New Ava. Disposed of. New Ava. New Ava. New…

            “Ava. My Ava where is she?” she turned Director Young towards her fresh tears hovering at the edge of her vision.

            “The basement. The incinerator.” Gary choked out from behind her.

Sara ran. She focused on the sound of her heart pounding in her chest and her breath heavy in the stillness of the stairwell. Ava. She had never been to the basement of the Bureau but some instinct told her she was going in the right direction. She barely registered the fall of boots on the stairs behind her as her team followed her down. Replaced. She burst through the doors labeled basement and raced down the corridor to the room glowing with an eerie red light. New Ava. Her lungs burned as she crashed into the doors hard. Her fists pounding against the locked door followed by her shoulder as she tried to break it down. She felt her shoulder slip from its socket as she tried again. A strangled cry of Ava’s name ripped from her throat along with pleas for whoever was behind the door to open up, to stop. Disposed of. The door opened and a confused technician was shoved against the door as she ran toward the incinerator. Towards the metal plate slowly making its way along a conveyor and into the burning mouth of the machine. Her fist slammed against the stop button and she dropped to her knees alongside the metal plate holding the body of the woman she loved. Ava’s body had been stripped down to her underwear. Sara gasped her hand tracing over the bruises and cuts along Ava’s body. A deep angry bruise bloomed along the woman’s ribcage, and there were circular burns from electrodes a stark contrast to the pale skin around her temples. Sara’s fingers shook as she searched for a pulse. Her fingers only met cold still skin.

            “Ava! You can’t leave me like this,” Sara screamed tears strangling her words “You are extraordinary don’t you remember. I’m here Ava. I’m right here and I need you to come back to me. I need you to come home.”

Sara sobbed as she pressed a kiss to Ava’s knuckles. Her words mirroring the ones Ava had said to her so long ago. Careful hands came to rest on her shoulders as another sob broke past her lips. She buried her head into Ava’s neck as she cried.

            “Sara. She left a message with Nora for you,” Ray whispered holding back his own tears for the moment “she wanted you to know that she loved you.”

Another sob wracked through Sara’s body as she cried Ava’s name over and over. The woman’s name was a mantra. Her heart pounding willing the woman to wake up, to come back to her.

            “Can I try something?” Nora asked stepping into the room with Gary at her side.

            “What can you possibly do? She’s gone.” Sara stood up straight but refused to let go of Ava’s hand.

            “I’ve been trying to learn more about my magic and I think I can help.” Nora edged closer and met Ray’s eyes asking for help.

            “She’s changed Sara. Let her try.” Ray placed a reassuring hand on Sara’s shoulder.

Sara nodded and moved to allow Nora to stand next to her. Nora closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Seconds later the world around them seemed to morph and distort. The incinerator next to them hissed and spit the heat engulfing them as the woman placed her hand over Ava’s heart. Just as quickly as it began the feeling faded and Sara was once again holding the hand of the once living Ava Sharpe.

            “I’m sorry. I thought that I could reverse the effect of my pow…” Nora began before being cut off by the deep gasp of air reentering Ava Sharpe’s lungs.

Avas’ eyes were wide as she was pulled back from the warm darkness she had been in earlier. Her chest heaved as she tried to breathe normally. A hand shot out to rest just below her throat. The touch grounding her and helping her calm down.

            “Ava.” Sara’s gasped.

Ava turned to look into Sara’s eyes. The amount of love shining in the woman’s eyes hurt. Sara’s lips closed over hers in a desperate kiss and Ava pushed the other woman away gently.

            “No. I don’t have a name. I’m Variant 1292 Model AVA 3.0” Ava stated with certainty.

            “Ava. What did they do to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on tight. We have to find our way. Stick with me and as always let me know what you think.


	10. To Leave or Not to Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava is free physically but is she free in the way it matters. Will Sara be able to help her find her way.

Ava stood before the board dressed in a new prison uniform. Sara stood beside her with their fingers linked. The smaller blonde rubbed steady circles along Ava’s hand and tightened her grip when the board entered.

            Director Young sat in the center seat as the chairman and cleared his throat to begin.

            “Agent Ava Sharpe. The board has gathered here today to revisit our previous decision in your case. We have received new information and upon reviewing the evidence we have found you innocent of all previous charges. In addition, we have approved your reinstatement as acting director of the U.S branch effective immediately.”

The rest of the board nodded solemnly in agreement; all of them were unable to meet her gaze full on and tapped at the table in front of them. When Ava didn’t respond Young continued.

            “The Bureau and I would like to extend a sincere apology for the rash actions that led to your incarceration and subsequent punishments. There is no way for us to make up the time you lost but we do wish to fulfill any request you make at this time.”

            “Thank you, sir. I accept your offer contingent on your acceptance of the condition that I return to duty when I decide but receive my current pay in the interim. In my absence, I would like Director Greene to remain in charge. He has done an exemplary job so far,” She nodded to Gary who was standing against the wall on her left “in addition, I request that the Legends be given top-level clearance to aid them in their endeavors. They have proven to be efficient and effective in their efforts.”

After conferring for a moment the board agreed and adjourned the meeting. Gary walked over to her a familiar smile playing at the edges of his mouth.

            “I’ve missed you, Director Sharpe,” he pulled her into a tight hug.

            “You’ve done good work, Gary,” She hugged him back briefly before patting his back and letting go.

            Ava smiled and accepted hugs from all of the Legends even Mick. The entire time she felt sick to her stomach. All of these people telling her how much they missed her. Their hugs and smiles cut deep because she knew she didn’t deserve any of them.

_I can’t understand these emotions of loss and happiness because I’m not real. I can only smile along with them and copy their expressions._

She repeated the lines over in her head. Suddenly she felt Sara tugging her away from everyone and out the doors of the courtroom and into the hallway. When they were alone Sara wrapped her arms around Ava’s neck and pulled her into a hug. A contented sigh blew past her lips as Ava wrapped her arms around her waist and held her close mirroring Sara’s posture and nuzzling her nose into the other woman’s hair.

            “I want to go home,” Ava whispered hoping this was what Sara wanted to hear.

Sara nodded against her neck but still held on to her as if Ava would disappear if she let go. Sara took a step back from her and punched in coordinates into the courier on her wrist opening a portal to Ava’s apartment.

            “No. I want to go to the Waverider. I…don’t want to be there right now.” Ava gulped as she stared into her living room. Her eyes lingered on the kitchen counter her mind flashing back to the moment she got arrested. It frightened her.

_No. Fear is a human emotion. I cannot be afraid._

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of the portal closing and opening again and the insistent pull against her fingers as Sara led her into the captain’s quarters on the timeship. Once they were inside Sara closed the portal and turned to Ava. Her fingers reached up to tangle into the woman’s hair and pull her down for a quick and gentle kiss.

            “Ava,” Sara whispered against her lips, concern dripping from her voice.

Ava steeled herself forcing her body to not react to being called that name. The name she didn’t deserve.

            “I’m going to take a shower,” Ava pulled away and stepped into the bathroom.

She closed and locked the door behind her before stripping out of the prison uniform. Her eyes lifted to take inventory of the new marks and bruises along her body. Some of them were already healing and she knew there would be scars. She reached up to trace along the massive bruise on her side. A hiss pushed past her lips as pain shot down her side when she touched it. She repeated the action. The pain grounding her in the moment. After doing the same thing with the other bruises she stepped into the shower. She scrubbed her skin hard bracing herself against the pain. Washing the huge bruise was painful to the point she thought she would pass out as she cleaned it. Once she was done she wrapped a towel around her body, returned to the bedroom and pulled on a pair of pajamas that she had left at Sara’s over a week ago. Sara was no longer in the room, but Ava slid into the bed anyway. Her eyes focused on the emptiness of the ceiling and the pain still pulsing in her side. She heard the door of Sara’s room open and then felt the bed next to her shift.

            “Here. Take these,” Sara handed her two pain pills and a glass of water “and pull your shirt up.”

Ava took the pills from her downing them obediently and lifted her shirt up without hesitation. Sara wrapped a small towel around the ice pack in her hand and gently placed it on Ava’s side. The cold was a pleasant contrast to the pain that had previously occupied the space. Ava looked up to meet Sara’s eyes and immediately regretted the action. Sara was staring at her. A sheen of tears played at the edges of the blonde’s vision and Ava reached up to wipe them away. Sara kissed her palm and adjusted the icepack again. Ava frowned in confusion. Maybe she couldn’t understand the sadness that Sara felt but she knew she didn’t like seeing Sara this way. Ava sat up suddenly and pulled Sara into her lap just like old times. It had only been a week, but it felt like an eternity since the other woman was in her arms.

            “Ava you’re hurt.”

            “It’s just pain.”

            “We shouldn’t.”

            “Please baby,” Ava kissed the other woman’s cheek softly “Pleasure just like pain is something I understand. It’s just nerves firing.”

            “Ava…I,” Sara gasped when Ava began sucking on the hollow of her neck.

            “I’m sorry. You’re right. We shouldn…” Ava’s words were cut off when Sara’s lips met hers in a fierce kiss.

Ava flipped the woman onto her back and began ripping at clothes and throwing them unceremoniously around the room. Once Sara was naked beneath her she dipped her head to suck a nipple into her mouth. Her tongue flicking over it as Sara gasped and tangled her fingers in Ava’s hair. Sara’s nails dug lightly into her scalp the slight pain egging her on. Ava needed more. Sara squirmed beneath her as Ava’s kisses moved lower until her mouth hovered at the captain’s hip. Ava placed an open mouth kiss against the woman’s clit and Sara bucked hard. Her nails digging into Ava’s back and leaving marks. Ava hissed. Pain is what she needed right now. She needed Sara to be rough. She dropped her head again licking a path along Sara’s folds then focusing attention on her clit. The woman was gasping already when two of Ava’s fingers slipped inside of the woman, twisting just enough to hit the spot that made Sara see stars. Ava kept up the relentless pace until she felt Sara’s walls quiver around her fingers. She reached up offering her hand to Sara whose lips were pressed tight to keep from screaming. Sara’s teeth clamped down on Ava’s hand hard, leaving marks as Ava’s other hand coaxed her through her orgasm.

            “Oh god…Ava…that was…I,” Sara panted trying to catch her breath.

Ava was staring down at the red angry marks from Sara’s teeth, touching them softly and relishing in the slight discomfort.

            “I was made to please others,” Ava mumbled.

            “Ava please stop saying things like that.” Sara gulped and turned on her side to look at the other woman. Regret immediately rippling through her body. She hadn’t wanted the night to go like this. It was too soon, and she knew it, but her body had gotten ahead of her rational mind.

            “Please don’t call me that. I thought I could take it. I thought I could hear it for you, but I can’t,” Ava stared into Sara’s eyes pleading.

            “Call you what? Ava? That’s your name.”

            “I told you before I don’t have a name. I never did. I’m just a clone with a serial number.”

            “No. Ava look at me,” Sara reached and turned the woman’s head towards her “you are not like the other clones in 2213. You are extraordinary. You are as real as me or anyone else on this ship. You have made me so happy this past year and I…”

            “No. Sara. Listen. You know that I’ve been struggling with this and seeing that the Bureau was so quick to…to replace me. I’m disposable Sara and you deserve so much more than that. You deserve someone just as unique and capable of love as you. Not a machine that can only copy emotions that its seen.”

            Ava stood and walked away tapping at the courier on her wrist. The portal opened and she stepped through into her apartment. She walked over to the small bar in her living room and opened the decanter of scotch. It was the bottle that Sara had bought for her birthday. The note was written in Sara’s messy handwriting still sat next to it.

            **Babe you’re like scotch. Smooth going down and just the right amount of heat.**

An involuntary smile tugged at her lips as she tipped it back and took a long swallow. Her fingers gripped at the edge of the bar as she tried to calm her breathing. When she went to grab the decanter again a hand closed around hers. She froze at the cool touch of Sara’s fingers tangled with hers. The woman’s other hand softly reached up to rub slow circles along the back of Ava’s neck. The motion grounded her and burst open the dam of anger and sadness that had been building in the pit of Ava’s stomach.

            “I lost my sister. I lost my father,” Sara’s voice hitched as she wrapped her arms around the taller blonde and laid her head against the woman’s back “I’m don’t want to lose you too. Please, Ava…please don’t leave me.”

            Ava could feel hot tears soaking through her shirt. Sara’s grip tightened even more and Ava turned to fold the woman in her arms. They sunk to the floor both of them clinging desperately to the other.

            “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Ava gasped.

            “Then I will spend every moment reminding you.” Sara cupped Ava’s face in her hands staring into the woman’s eyes and not allowing her to pull away.

            “Sara. I’m so sorry.”

            “Seeing you give yourself up broke me. Seeing that other clone killing my father destroyed me. I wanted to give in to the darkness. I wanted to die but the thought of you. The real you. The you that is different from the others. You Ava Sharpe. I remembered how you held me when he died the first time. How you let me be angry. When I lashed out at you, you stayed. When I needed to cry you let me.” Tears raced down Sara’s cheeks as she spoke her voice trembling.

Ava’s eyes were slammed shut small hiccups spilling from her lips. Sara slid into her lap and wrapped her arms around the taller woman. Ava wrapped her arms around Sara’s waist again and sobbed into her chest. The steady thump of Sara’s heart in her ear and the feel of Sara’s hand on her back helped her slow her breathing but the tears kept coming.

            “You are extraordinary Ava Sharpe. You are so much more than a clone. You are not a serial number. You are special. You are my entire world. I’ve never been this happy and I don’t care how long it takes. I’m not leaving you again,” she leaned back to look Ava in the eyes “please don’t leave me.”

Everything in Ava’s brain screamed that this was wrong. She shouldn’t be here. This was all a manufacturing glitch. The reprogramming didn’t work. She felt broken. Shattered. But this amazing and beautiful woman was holding and asking her to stay. She wasn’t supposed to understand emotions, but this felt so real. Sara made her feel real. A fresh wave of sobs broke from her chest as her mind went back to Sara’s voice on the tape saying she didn’t need her. Her sadness quickly exchanged for anger and she pushed the woman away. Sara looked confused for a moment before Ava’s met her eyes fury evident in her gaze.

            “No. You don’t need me remember. I’m just a copy.”

            “Ava. What are you talking about?”

            “I heard you. They played me the tape. You don’t need anyone. Especially not me.”

            “What?” Sara reached out for her and Ava brushed her away.

            “Get out.”

            “No. I’m not doing this again. I’m not leaving again.”

            “Get. Out,” Ava’s voice was low and cold.

            “Babe…don't. I can’t lose anyone else.”

            “You never had me.”

            “Don’t say that. Don’t you dare say that.”

            “Just go to 2213 and get another me. Or further in the future, I’m sure they’ve upgraded.”

Sara’s hands balled into fists and she really wanted to punch the woman in front of her. She didn’t know what they had done to her but Ava would never have said things like this before. She typed in coordinates for the Waverider and stepped through the portal leaving Ava breathing heavy in the living room. When the portal closed Ava picked up the decanter and threw it against the wall. It shattered sending a spray of glass and scotch across the living room floor. Ava picked up a large piece of the glass and turned it around in her hand. She sliced deep into her palm watching the blood bubble to the surface and spill down her arm when she closed her hand. The whir of a portal opening pulled her out of her head and she spun to see Sara walking back into her living room with a duffel bag on her shoulder. She walked up to Ava, took the piece of glass out of the woman’s hand and tossed it into the trash. Then she grabbed Ava’s good hand and pulled her into the bathroom. She didn’t speak just sat the taller blonde down on the lid of the toilet and pulled the first aid kit from the cabinet. Sara meticulously cleaned and bandaged Ava’s hand gently placing a kiss on her palm when she was finished. Ava just stared at her unable to put into words the feeling pulling at the pit of her stomach and chest. They sat that way for a few moments, the silence surrounding them. Neither one wanting to break the spell that had been cast.

            “I’m not leaving again,” Sara said simply as she stood and placed a kiss on Ava’s forehead.

Ava stared after her as the woman exited the bathroom to clean up the glass she had broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your continued support. Leave me all the feedback!!


	11. Anger, Protection, and Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava doesn't think her feelings are real. Sara has to show her they are, one emotion at a time.

Ava was drunk. The taller blonde was on top on the bar top her hair flowing across her back as she swayed to the beat. The pulse of the crowd around her and the thrum of the bass from the speaker next to her vibrated in her chest. That coupled with the heat of the alcohol coursing through her body was an intoxicating mix that she was indulging in for the moment. In front of her with a gentle yet possessive hand wrapped around her waist was Sara Lance. The smaller blonde swayed along with her girlfriend but honestly, she was focused on keeping them both from falling off the beer-slicked countertop.

            “Babe,” Sara leaned in close to the other woman’s ear “let’s sit for a moment.”

Ava simply nodded and sat down on the counter before sliding off. She wobbled slightly when her feet hit the floor but steadied herself quickly. Sara moved to step off the bar but stopped momentarily. Over the past few days, Ava had repeated that she couldn’t understand emotions because she was a clone, but Sara was determined to prove her wrong. Sara moved to get down off the bar and strategically slipped from the countertop. She toppled towards the floor for only a second before Ava darted forward to catch her. Ava held her tight in her arms, her eyes shone clear against the lights of the nightclub.

            “Are you okay?” Ava asked her grip tightening even more as her brow furrowed.

            “Yeah,” Sara whispered as she leaned her forehead against the other woman’s.

Sara felt Ava’s hands stray down to just underneath her hips and she took the woman’s cue to wrap her legs around Ava’s waist.

            “I know you did that on purpose.”

            “What?”

            “Sara you’re an assassin. You could have saved yourself.”

            “I could but now I have you.”

Ava’s eyes met the other woman’s for only a moment before she connected their lips into a quick kiss. Ava sat Sara down on her feet as the song changed again. The alcohol reasserted itself in Ava’s system and she pulled Sara over to the booth that they were sitting at before. Sara planted a kiss on her forehead before moving away towards the bar. Ava couldn’t help but follow her movements. She wasn’t the only one watching the blonde as she saw several men and women stare at her girlfriend dancing her way through the crowd. She watched as even the bartender seemed smitten with her as Sara leaned across the bar to order something. The man returned a few moments later with a bottle of water and Sara began making her way back to her. Suddenly a tall dark-haired man stepped in Sara’s path causing her to stop short. She couldn’t hear their conversation over the blare of the speakers, but she saw Sara put on a polite smile and step away from the man. The man grabbed Sara by the wrist and Ava saw red. Before Sara could react, Ava was at her side.

            “Hands off asshole,” Ava spat stepping in front of Sara.

            “This doesn’t concern you b…”

His words were cut off when Ava’s fist connected with his jaw hard. The man hit the ground with a thud out cold. Ava’s hands shook and her breathing was ragged as she stared at the man who had tried to hurt Sara. Security came and escorted the man away and Sara pulled Ava back to the booth. Ava was still shaking slightly. Her eyes were still dark with anger. Sara opened the bottle of water and held it out to Ava as she placed a gentle kiss against her cheek.

            “Thank you. You saved me again,” Sara smiled.

Ava took a few sips of the water, the coolness helped soothe the fire burning in her throat. Her arm went around Sara’s waist and she pulled her closer.

            “I know you can take care of yourself, Sara. I just…when he grabbed you something just…”

            “You got angry because you thought someone you loved was in danger.”

            “No. I’m designed to protect the assets of the Bureau.”

            “I don’t work for the Bureau. Besides, I know what…assets you were really protecting.”

            “Sara I just reacted that’s all. You were in danger.”

            “Not really remember. I can protect myself.”

            “Stop it you’re confusing me.”

            “Admit it, babe. You feel protective of me.”

            “Okay. I’m protective of you but that doesn’t change anything,” Ava stated with finality.

Two hours later Sara and Ava walked back to Ava’s apartment hand in hand. The moon lit the path in front of them with silver light. Ava looked over at Sara and couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her face. Sara’s already bright blue eyes were intoxicating with the moonlight shining in them. Ava stopped suddenly pulling Sara back a few steps at the sudden movement. Sara turned to her confused for a moment. Ava closed the small space between them and placed one hand on the small of Sara’s back. Her other hand came up to hook a finger under Sara’s chin and lift the woman’s lips to her own. The kiss was slow and filled with so much love that it left Sara breathless. When they broke the kiss Sara simply stared at Ava for a moment. She smiled when for a moment she saw the small flicker of the old Ava in the taller woman’s eyes. They kissed once more before walking the last block to Ava’s building.

Once inside, they began getting ready for bed. They had slowly slipped back into their routine over the past few days and moved around each other with ease. Sara was brushing her teeth when she noticed that Ava stood frozen staring into the mirror next to her. The taller blonder was tracing the line of a thin white scar along the side of her neck. Over the past few days, Ava had been working through her life as a clone more. Gideon had restored the memories of the others months ago but she hadn’t shared what she learned with Sara until now.

“Tell me,” Sara turned the woman’s head towards her.

“Why would they give me their scars? Why keep the imperfections?”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

“It’s from clone 10. She was on a mission in 1923 trying to find a displaced women’s rights activist from the 1950s. It was supposed to be a simple mission…but when she tried to portal back to 2018 one of the men she had been fighting lunged for the anachronism. She jumped in front of the woman and the blade severed her carotid.”

Ava’s fingers gripped tight on the countertop her knuckles turning white. Sara leaned up to place a kiss against the faint white scar. An uninhibited shiver raced down her back at the touch. Sara linked her fingers with Ava’s slowly pulling the woman back into their bedroom and down to the bed. She pressed Ava back into the sheets and kissed the scar on her neck again. Then she lifted the woman’s shirt to kiss the slowly fading bruise along her side. Once she was done she left to grab the ice pack to press against the bruise. Ava watched the smaller woman taking care of her and through the haze of the alcohol that was still making its way through her system she felt a familiar tug in her chest. Sara iced her ribs and made her drink another glass of water before curling onto the bed next to her. Ava found herself wanting to reach out and pull the woman into her arms but stopped herself.

            “Goodnight Sara,” Ava whispered.

            “Goodnight babe,” Sara answered back. She was refusing to call her Ava until the woman asked her to.

At 2 a.m Sara’s phone chimed. She opened the screen squinting against the bright light.

**Zari: Gary says they have to fix it tomorrow.**

Sara swallowed hard before typing out a simple thanks and putting the phone back on the nightstand. She sat up against the headboard and tried to calm her breathing. She desperately wanted to wake Ava or at least squeeze herself into Ava’s side. She chastised herself as tears began welling up in her eyes again. Sara was swiping at the tears that were falling when a hand came up to rest on her thigh. Her eyes met Ava’s in the darkness and the woman pulled her down into her arms. Ava winced and Sara tried to pull away but Ava’s strong grip on her shoulder stopped her.

            “It’s okay,” Ava reassured her as Sara got comfortable.

Ava ran her fingers through Sara’s hair and pressed kisses to the top of her head until the woman’s breath evened out again. Once she was sure Sara was asleep she reached over to send a quick text to Gary.

**I’ll take care of it tomorrow.**

**Gary: Of course. I’ll send details in 20.**


	12. Grief and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunsets and Sunrises

Sara awoke from her nap to Ava gently rubbing circles on her back. After fixing a level 10 anachronism with her team she had returned to Ava’s apartment for a well-deserved rest. She squinted rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she sat up. Her eyes darted over to the screen of her phone that read 12 p.m.

            “What’s wrong?” Sara frowned as she took in Ava’s casual appearance.

The taller blonde was wearing a pair of yoga pants, and a Time Bureau hoodie. She was smiling down at her and fidgeting with the courier on her wrist.

            “Nothing. Want to go for a run with me?”

Sara flung the covers from around her and stretched as she stood. The movement made her shirt come up just enough for Ava to get distracted by the expanse of abs that she caught a glimpse of. Sara caught her looking and stretched again exaggerating so more of her stomach was exposed.

            “See something you like?”

            “Get dressed.” Ava teased placing a quick kiss on Sara’s lips before going to the living room.

Sara quickly got dressed and pulled her hair up into a ponytail to match the director’s appearance. Ava was on the phone when Sara entered, her brow furrowed in concentration as she tapped on the button of her courier.

            “Tell me the second she’s fully in handcuff is that clear?” Ava ordered.

Ava hung up and reached out her hand to Sara’s and intertwined their fingers. She placed a kiss on Sara’s knuckles and then pulled her close. Sara easily slid into Ava’s arms but couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Ava tapped a few buttons on her wrist and opened a portal to the base of a mountain trail. They stepped through and Sara gasped as she took in her surroundings.

            “Are we in Hawaii?” she frowned trying to see through the shadows playing across the landscape.

            “Yes. It’s 6 a.m. and I’ve been told the sunrise from the top is extraordinary.” Ava said as she sat down to stretch.

            “I’m pretty sure we aren’t supposed to be up here until its light out,” Sara said sitting next to her and starting her own stretches.

            “Wait. Is The Great Sara Lance, Breaker of Time, Wielder of the Death Totem concerned about the rules?”

            “Shutup. You’re the one who just got out of prison. I’m looking out for you.”

Ava froze for a moment and Sara immediately regretted her choice of words. She reached out for Ava but Ava simply stood and lifted Sara to her feet.

            “Come on. Let’s go see this sunrise.”

            “Babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean.”

            “It’s fine,” Ava gently cupped Sara’s cheek and brushed a loose strand behind her ear.

Ava pulled two headlamps from her jacket and handed one to Sara before securing her own. They started up the trail at a slow jog keeping in pace with each other like so many runs before. The trail was paved and arched upward at a steady slope. From the beams of their lamps, the two women took in the lush trees and flowers blooming along the trail. The faint sound of waves crashing could be heard in the distance as they continued their way up. When they reached the halfway mark they sat down on the stone wall that was constructed at the edge of the cliff. Sara pulled at the tie in her hair that had slowly come loose and let the wind whip gently through her hair. The first faint glimmers of the dawn were sprinkling over the water and Sara linked her fingers with Ava’s. Ava couldn’t help the full smile that spread across her face as she took in the peaceful look on Sara’s face. Her expression darkened when she remembered why she was really here. Sara caught the change in her expression but said nothing. They sat in silence for a few moments before starting up the trail again. They ran in silence. Sara was a few paces ahead of Ava as they made their way up the slope. When they were jogging the last few feet to the top the comm in Ava’s ear crackled to life.

            “We have secured the clone Director Sharpe,” the agent barked on the other end.

            “Copy,” Ava replied.

Sara came to an abrupt halt and turned to face Ava tears shining in her eyes. Her chest heaved from the run and her inability to catch her breath at the realization that just dawned on her. The realization hit Sara like a punch to the gut. The Bureau was fixing the anachronism of her father dying which meant that the timeline would correct for him to die in 2018. Ava had brought her up here as a distraction. Ava reached out to her and she took a step backward without looking. The ground underneath Sara’s feet shifted and she almost slipped down the small embankment before Ava’s grip steadied her and pulled her back on the path.

            “Sara. I’m sorry. I thought a distraction would help,” Ava linked their fingers and lead Sara up the final steps to the summit. She sat down on the small bench and looked out at the ocean. The sun was beginning to crest over the waves sending sparks of orange and yellow skipping along the waves.

            “I just wanted to say goodbye. I promised him I’d visit again, and I never got a chance to fulfill that promise,” Sara choked.

            “I know. I wish I could give you that chance, but I can’t. I’m so sorry Sara,” Ava wrapped an arm around the woman’s shoulder as Sara leaned over with silent tears streaming down her face.

            “I remember when I was little, and we would go on family vacations,” Sara took a steadying breath and held Ava’s free hand, “my dad would wake us up early on the first day, so we could watch the sunrise together. Laurel and I always hated having to get up so early, but we always did because it made him so happy. We would all cuddle up in a hammock or stretch out on a blanket and watch the sunrise and he would tell us that every sunrise is a gift, a promise of a new day and a new opportunity.”

Ava swallowed hard as that once familiar feeling settled into her chest again. She placed a kiss on the top of Sara’s head and breathed in the smell of her hair as they watched the waves and the steady rising sun. A new day and a new opportunity.

            “That’s really beautiful Sara.”

            “Thank you, babe.” Sara looked up to face Ava and closed the distance in a slow kiss.

Ava reached up and wiped away the few remaining tears from Sara’s cheek. Sara frowned as she noticed the shadow that still shone in Ava’s gaze.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “There’s somewhere we need to go.”

Ava stood and took Sara’s hand in hers again and opened a portal. They stepped through into a cemetery and quietly walked through until they reached the two headstones side by side. Ava sat down on the grass that now covered the once freshly dug graves. Dusk flickered around them and shadows began creeping across the lawn. Sara gently ran her hand over both headstones and kissed them gently before joining Ava.

            “You said your dad loved sunrises,” Ava started linking their fingers again, “my dad…clone 3’s dad loved sunsets. I have this memory of them sitting on the front porch in one of those rickety swings. It’s late October and they both have steaming cups of cider in their hands. He turned to me…her and told her that sunsets were his favorite time of day because it allows time to reflect. Sunsets give way to night and darkness which can be frightening because its filled with the unknown but when you learn to accept the unknown and embrace the parts of life that can’t be controlled at that moment you are truly living.”

Sara leaned her head on Ava’s shoulder and gently rubbed Ava’s arm.

            “I met your dad. He didn’t seem that profound.” Sara whispered.

Ava laughed the sound brought a smile to Sara’s face and she joined her. After a moment Ava sighed and tensed.

            “Yeah, he’s not. Clone 3’s dad died two days after that night. It was one of the memories that Rip suppressed. His death broke her. I think that somehow, I remembered that feeling so I didn’t try to build a relationship with the current version of my parents. It seems kind of selfish now that I think about it.”

            “It’s not selfish babe. I’ve experienced my dad’s death three times now and it was just as terrible every time. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.” Sara brushed away the tears lingering on her lashes.

Ava moved to her knees and gently touched both headstones in front of her. Night had fully taken over and the grounds were only illuminated by the lamps along the path weaving through the cemetery and the small post lights nearby.

            “I wish we had a chance to meet. Sara talks about you all the time so in a way, I feel like I have. I’ll keep her safe. I promise.”

Sara wrapped her arms around Ava’s waist and rested her head against her back. Ava held Sara’s hands and they simply sat in silence for a moment.

            “I love you A…babe.”

            “You can say it…I want you to.”

            “I love you, Ava.”

Ava smiled and tightened her grip on Sara. Even though she wasn’t prepared to say the words again she understood that the feeling that rippled through her body was love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are slowly getting there but the ride isn't over yet.


	13. Sympathy

Sara groaned and reached out for Ava. Her hand sliding over the cool empty sheets. She slowed her breathing and listened for the sound of Ava moving around the apartment. When they had gotten home the night before Ava has received a desperate call from Gary to come to work the next day and Ava had agreed without hesitation. Sara smiled to herself as the sound of someone moving around inside of the walk-in closet reached her ears. The smile quickly faded when the clink of glass was heard as well. Once she was fully awake and sitting up she padded over to the closet unprepared for the sight that met her eyes.

Ava was sitting in the recliner against the far wall of the closet a glass of scotch in her hand. She was partially dressed for work. Her attire was similar to what she was wearing that morning of her arrest. The taller blonde hadn’t noticed Sara standing there until she spoke.

            “It’s a little early for scotch don’t you think,” Sara walked over to her and sat down on her lap. Her fingers laced into Ava’s hair as she gently massaged the woman’s scalp.

Ava huffed and finished off the drink before sitting the glass down on a nearby shelf. She sighed and closed her eyes indulging in the feel of Sara’s fingers in her hair.

            “I can’t do it,” Ava looked up into Sara’s eyes finally.

            “What?”

            “I can’t go back there. I…I was going to try today but putting on this suit,” she gulped hard, “how do I go back and work for them.”

            “You don’t have to,” Sara started but was cut off by the buzz of a portal opening in their bedroom.

            “Director Sharpe I’m sorry to interrupt you at home but you,” Gary said as he walked into the closet his eyes covered “were late and you need to be debriefed for your meeting.”

            “She’s not going Gary,” Sara stood and moved to stand behind Ava placing a calming hand on her back.

            “What? What do you mean? What is she talking about Director Sharpe?” Gary stammered.

            “I can’t Gary. Not today,” Ava met the man’s eyes and was taken aback by the anger in them.

            “But…I need you. I need you to help me.”

            “You’ve been doing fine without me. What’s another day?”

            “You don’t get it. These past few weeks have been a living hell for me,” Gary’s hands started shaking as he paced back and forth, “I haven’t slept. I barely eat. All of the agents expect so much of me. They expect me to be you but I’m not. I’ve had to yell at people.”

            “I understand it’s hard but I need…”

            “Don’t interrupt! Need? Need? What about what I need? I need you to get yourself together and come back to work,” Gary turned on her then immediately crumbled as he met her fierce eyes, “I’m sorry. Look what this job is doing to me. I’m snappy and that’s not the Beebo way. I have gray hair. Look at it. Look.”

Gary kneeled in front of Ava and pointed to the gray streak alongside his temple. His hands were trembling, and Ava could tell he was trying to stop himself from fidgeting with his tie. The position he was in reminded her of a similar memory nearly 4 years ago. She abruptly stood and held a hand out to pull Gary to his feet. The tension held Gary’s shoulder’s tight and he looked exhausted. The man’s usually calming demeanor radiated frustration and stress.

            “Gary,” Ava placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “take the day off. Get some sleep. I’ll take care of things at the office.”

            “Really,” Gary’s shoulders relaxed and his hands immediately went to his tie, “are you sure because if you’re really not ready I can go in.”

            “No. It’s fine. Go home, Gary.”

Ava could see that the man wanted to hug her but was hesitant. She took a step closer and wrapped him into a brief hug. When she pulled away Gary was beaming as he opened a portal to his apartment leaving the two women alone.

            “Ava. Are you sure? Everyone will understand if you don’t go back right away.”

            “Gary’s right. I need to go back. Look what the job did to Gary. He yelled at me just now,” Ava laughed half-heartily.

            “What about you? You said it yourself stepping back into that role after everything they did to you…”

            “I’m not ready but I can’t let someone else suffer. I’ll call you if I need an escape,” Ava said as she buttoned up her shirt and shrugged the jacket onto her shoulders.

            “I love you,” Sara connected their lips in a tender kiss.

            “Question. That room on the ship. Is it still open?”

            “Yeah. Why?”

            “There’s someone I think would be an excellent addition to your team. I’ll bring them by after work.”

Ava pulled Sara into her arms hugging her tight. She took a deep breath and opened the portal to the Bureau. As the portal closed Sara heard the sound of applause and chants of Ava’s name following by Ava’s sharp director voice telling everyone to get back to work.

            Later that night, Sara and the Legends were sitting around the dinner table. They were all eating and laughing at Ray and Nat arguing with Mick about the proper way to kill a vampire. The sound of a portal opening pulled them away from the conversation. Ava stepped through the portal a smile on her face but visibly tired. Sara walked over to her and placed a kiss to her cheek.

            “I hope you don’t mind, I invited a friend,” Ava said taking a step to the side.

Just as the portal closed Nora Darhk stepped through her eyes immediately locking with Ray Palmer’s.

            “Nora,” Ray stood abruptly shaking the table and knocking over his glass of water.

            “Ray,” Nora said teasingly arching her eyebrow at the blushing man.

            “You’re here.”

            “I am.”

            “How?”

            “I pardoned her,” Ava said simply smiling between the two.

Nora had been invaluable in clearing her name and Ava appreciated her attempts to become a better person.

            “Damn pantsuit. You’ve gone soft,” Mick grunted.

Ava frowned but noticed the slight smile that she knew Mick would deny if asked.

            “Welcome to the team,” Amaya said standing and wrapping Nora in a hug.

All of the Legends welcomed Nora to the team and made promises to show her around the Waverider. Ray walked up to her and cleared his throat. He extended his hand to her and smiled brightly.

            “Welcome to the team,” Ray smiled.

Nora rolled her eyes, knocked down Ray’s hand and pulled his head down for a searing kiss. Nate let out a whoop of encouragement at the kiss and Mick lifted his beer in their direction.

            “You did good Sharpe,” Sara whispered in Ava’s ear as she watched Ray blunder through a hushed conversation with Nora.

Ava kissed Sara’s temple then joined the Legends at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there but there is one thing looming over Ava's head. Memories.


	14. Finding their way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara has convinced Ava that she is real but Ava is still working through some of her memories. Maybe its time to create some new ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the fic and I'm thankful to everyone that read and enjoyed the journey with me. There will be an epilogue that is smut and fluff. You can end the story now, but I will hope you will stick with me for one more chapter.

The next few weeks passed in a blur. For Ava, it was a whirlwind of meetings, recruitment meetings, and cadet training that kept her away from Sara. Nearly every night she returned home there was a note from Sara saying she was on a mission going after a magical fugitive. It wasn’t until late one night when she was nursing another headache that she decided to confront what had been bothering her all along. Sara had convinced her that her feelings were valid and that just because she was a clone didn’t mean she as emotionless, but Ava still didn’t truly feel real. Since she had gotten out of prison the memories of the other clones continually filled her mind. There were all little snippets of faces she couldn’t bring herself to care about and memories that seemed like dreams. Except for one. One memory stood out in her mind from clone 1.

            Ava sat in one of the chairs in the Time Bureau lobby staring out into the lights of the city twinkling through the floor to ceiling window in front of her. The ice cubes rattled in the glass in her hand breaking the silence that had engulfed her. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn’t hear the portal opening behind her. It wasn’t until she felt gentle arms snaking around her shoulders and the soft press of lips to her hair that she noticed Sara’s presence.

            “Hey, you,” Sara said walking around the chair and sitting on the arm, “Gary told me you were working late so I came to keep you company.”

            “Sara. I need to tell you something.”

            “Of course, babe.” Sara sat down on Ava’s lap and carded her fingers through the other woman’s hair.

Ava wrapped her arms around Sara’s waist and buried her face in the crook of Sara’s neck for a moment. She could feel herself getting choked up as the memory came flooding back to her. She took a deep breath and began:

_Ava slumped down against the cold brick wall in the alley. Her head swam as the alcohol coursed through her veins. She had a particularly shitty day at work. Her cheeks burned when she thought about the way she had been tossed around like a ragdoll in front of the other cadets. She lifted the bottle to her lips again and took a deep swallow of the cheap scotch. The silence of the night was cut by the click of heels on the concrete. Ava stood and tossed the bottle into a nearby trash bin and ducked into the shadows. A blonde woman walked by her without noticing her presence and she turned to leave. Suddenly she heard something heavy crash into one of the trash bins and a scream cut through the darkness. Ava turned back and kept in the shadows. The woman that had passed her earlier was clutching someone in her arms. The stillness of the person’s body told Ava that they were dead. Blood marred the once blond locks of the woman in the black leather suit._

_“Sara! No!” the woman cried as her words dissolved into tears._

_Ava stepped forward to help when she felt a hand grab her shoulder. She turned to see Rip in the alleyway behind her._

_“Rip we can help her,” Ava said as her eyes darted back to the woman in the alley._

_“No. We can’t,” he pulled her further away as the woman in the alley pulled out her phone._

_“We work for a time agency. We would just have to jump back a few minutes.”_

_“No Ava! Time wants to happen. This is one of those moments that has to cement.”_

_“Who is that woman Rip?”_

_“I’ll explain everything once we get back to the Bureau.”_

_Rip opened up a portal and dragged Ava through it. The blonde couldn’t help looking back once more to the woman in the alley. Once they were in Rip’s office he handed her a glass of water and a file. The name across the top read Sara Lance._

            “Most of the memories Gideon restored are minor things. Birthday parties and vacations that seem distant. But that one,” Ava gulped, “the memory of your death. It’s so vivid.”

            “So, the nightmares you’ve been having are of…” Sara’s grip tightened on Ava’s shoulder.

            “Yes,” she whispered.

Sara’s mind went back to the nights she had been awoken from her sleep by Ava sobbing in her sleep. She had always woken up the taller blonde and held her until her breath evened out. Ava had always insisted on curling into Sara’s side and resting her head on the smaller blonde’s chest before she could fall asleep again. Tears began to slip down Sara’s face and she wrapped her arms around Ava’s neck. The two women sat together for a while until they met each other’s eyes. Both of their eyes were still brimming with tears when Ava cupped Sara’s cheek and kissed her gently. Sara’s lips parted for Ava as she deepened the kiss.

            “Sara. Sometimes its hard for me to know what’s real and what not. Sometimes I don’t feel real. When Gideon restored the memories from the other clones the one constant in all of them was you.”

            “What?” Sara stared at her confused.

“Every clone. There was a memory of you. Your death. Your resurrection. Laurel’s funeral. You at the park with some kid. Every clone had some interaction with you. It’s like I was destined to cross paths with you. You make me feel real Sara.”

            “Ava.”

            “Your love. Your compassion. Your passion,” Ava wiggled her eyebrows, “every moment I’m with you makes me feel real. Every moment I’m with you I know I’m different from the other clones because while they only wanted to watch you and wonder I want to feel you.”

            Sara raised an eyebrow.

            “That sounded so much better in my head,” Ava smiled and slipped her hand into her pocket.

            Sara watched the movement and gasped when Ava pulled out a small black velvet box. Tears began to prick at the corner of her eyes again.

            “Aves,” Sara whispered as Ava stood and gently pushed her down onto the chair.

            “I had this whole extravagant moment planned out before I got arrested,” Ava smiled sinking down onto one knee, “but this moment feels right. I’ve been warring with everything that has happened. The memories. The torture. To be honest, for a moment I really believed the other clones. I believed them when they said that my feelings weren’t real and I was just copying actions I’ve seen.”

            Tears were spilling freely down Sara’s cheeks as she listened to Ava’s words. Ava took her hand in hers and opened the box. It was a silver band with 11 onyx stones surrounding a single brilliant diamond.

            “There were 11 Avas before me. I share their memories of friends and family. I share their apartment and the legacy they created, but the one thing that they didn’t have. The one thing that truly makes me different is you. Sara Lance, will you make me the luckiest Ava in this year and in all of 2213 and marry me?” Ava swallowed hard as she looked up into Sara’s watery blues.

            “Yes,” Sara cupped Ava’s face in her hand and kissed her hard, “I love you, Aves.”

            “I love you too,” Ava kissed Sara again and slipped the ring onto her finger.

Ava ran her thumbs over Sara’s cheeks to get rid of the lingering tears and stood pulling the shorter blonde into her embrace. They hugged, and Ava’s mind drifted back to the first time they had stood in this same space full of anger and malice towards each other. Sara smiled as she looked around noticing where they were standing her mind going back to the same moment as Ava’s. They kissed again. The kiss started slow and tender but quickly turned passionate as Ava leaned into the kiss pulling Sara as close as possible.

            “Let’s go home Director,” Sara whispered holding Ava close.

            Ava opened up a portal and lifted Sara into her arms carrying her through the portal. It has taken some time and they both knew there was still wounds to heal but at least they were finding their way.


	15. She never felt more real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava smiled she had never felt more real than at this moment.

Ava stepped through the portal; her hands gripped tight under Sara’s butt. Sara focuses on the feel of Ava’s hands holding her easily and the heat of Ava’s lips along her neck. She vaguely registers that they are now in Ava’s bedroom. The soft light of the moon shining through the upper portion of the bedroom window and a breeze drifting through the slick crack at the bottom. Ava lays her gently on the bed as she connects their lips again. Sara deepens the kiss and wraps her arms around the taller blonde’s neck pulling her closer.

            “You’re so beautiful Sara,” Ava whispers in her ear before tugging the lobe between her teeth.

Sara tries to answer but only manages a hiss as Ava’s kisses explore lower to her collarbone. Sara’s hands go to Ava’s shoulders pushing the blazer off and tossing it onto the floor. She hooks her legs around Ava’s and flips them so she’s straddling her. Ava’s hands ghost over her hip before fitting perfectly into the groove there. Sara’s shirt joins the blazer on the floor and Ava’s mouth come up to bit along the side of Sara’s breasts. Moments later the bra is gone and Sara shivers when Ava’s mouth meets her skin.

            “Ohhhh,” Sara moans pulling the woman closer, “please don’t tease me tonight.”

            “I won’t. Just relax baby.”

The last time they had sex it had been all passion and rough touches. Tonight, Ava wanted…no needed to take it slow. She needed to take every moment and cherish the woman in front of her. The woman that had pulled her back from the edge. The woman that was sitting on top of her mouth agape and gasping as the slightest touch.

            “Babe is everything okay?” Sara asked tilting Ava’s face up.

            “Everything is perfect. I just want to take things slow tonight. Let me take care of you, Sara.”

Sara nodded, and their lips connected again. Ava’s tongue brushed along the woman’s lips asking for entry. A soft moan fell from both of their lips as Ava flipped them again and kissed her way down Sara’s body stopping to trace the lines of the woman’s abs with her tongue. Sara’s hips bucked upward at the sensation a gasp flowing freely from her lips. Suddenly she felt Ava’s lips on the smooth skin above her underwear and her hands tracing her thighs but she couldn’t remember when Ava managed to get her pants off.

            “Mmmm. You’re so wet baby,” Ava moaned as she pressed a kiss to the slowly spreading spot on Sara’s panties.

            “Aves, please…” the words died on Sara’s lips when she felt her panties being pulled down her legs and Ava’s mouth kissing along her inner thigh.

Ava took her time to kiss and nip at every spot that she knew made Sara squirm. She traced her hands up and down the woman’s sides and over her abs that were fluttering with anticipation. She lifted Sara’s legs over her shoulder and met the blonde’s eyes dark with desire as she leaned down and closed her mouth over Sara’s clit. Sara almost came undone watching her. Of course, they had done this before but the amount of love in Ava’s eyes was shoving her close to the edge too quickly. She slammed her eyes closed and indulged of the feel of Ava’s tongue circling and flicking at her clit the way she loved. Her hips bucked involuntarily when she felt two fingers slip inside of her and curl to stroke along that spot that made her brain short circuit.

            “Aves,” the strangled cry broke from her lips as she felt herself nearing the edge.

            “I love you,” Ava whispered before doubling her attention to Sara’s clit and pushing the smaller blonde over the edge.

Sara’s back arched upward, the force of her orgasm making the world go black in front of her eyes. She could still feel Ava gently coaxing her through the high and before she could register it she felt herself cresting again, her toes curling and her hands fisting in the sheets as she screamed a mix of Ava’s name and I love yous. When she came down from her high Ava was placing gentle open-mouthed kisses along her stomach, her hands running lightly down her sides. Sara gently pulled Ava up so she could kiss her. She groaned as she tasted herself on Ava’s lips and flipped them over.

            “You are extraordinary,” Sara smiled as she kissed her again.

Ava sat up to shrug off her shirt and Sara undid her bra. Her hands immediately taking the woman’s breasts in her hands and rubbing slow circles along her nipples that she knew left the woman gasping. Sara’s lips went to the side of Ava’s neck as she sucked on the point behind the woman’s ear smiling at the groan she elicited. Sara was more impatient than Ava and pushed the woman back onto the bed tugging the pants down the woman’s legs and throwing them backward off the bed.

            “Someone is eager,” Ava gulped at the desire painted in Sara’s eyes.

            “Babe, you have no idea,” Sara licked her lips before latching onto one of Ava’s breasts.

Ava moaned into the touch as her back arched and a shiver ran down her spine. Sara’s other hand slipped under the fabric of her underwear as she collected some of the wetness she found there.   

            “Oh Aves, is this what I do to you?” Sara said as she sucked the two fingers into her mouth and hollowed her cheeks.

            “Sara…” Ava growled her hips bucking up into Sara’s and making the woman hiss at the sensation.

            “Easy. It’s my turn to take care of you,”

Sara ripped the edge of her underwear and tossed them over her shoulder. Ava swallowed down the moan that threatened to escape as the aggressiveness of the action. She didn’t have much time to think about it before she felt Sara’s fingers press firmly against her clit and begin running wide circles along the numb. Her head fell back against the pillows and her fingers clenched into the sheets at the touch. Before she could fully indulge in that sensation she felt Sara’s lips attach to her clit and suck.

            “Fuck! Sara!” Ava bucked up hard and Sara’s hand went to her hip to ease her back down onto the bed.

Sara's tongue was relentless as she sucked and swirled her tongue in tight circles. Ava was whimpering under her and Sara couldn’t help the low hum that escaped and pulsed through Ava’s body. She could feel Ava resisting the fall and looked up to meet the woman’s eyes that were slammed shut, her whimpering gaining pitch.

            “Babe look at me,” Sara said stopping only for a second.

Ava’s eyes flew open to meet Sara’s just as the woman lowered her mouth again and continued her assault. Looking into Sara’s eyes Ava had never felt so loved and so fucking turned on and it only took a few more strokes of Sara’s expert tongue to send her tumbling over the edge. Ava’s thighs clenched hard as the waves of pleasure rippled through her body and the only thing she could think of was Sara.

            As Ava came back down from her high she became aware of gentle finger stroking her hair and the weight of Sara’s head on her chest. She opened her eyes lazily and took the woman’s hand in hers and kissed it. She planted a kiss to Sara’s forehead and gently stroked the other woman’s back as Sara tangled their legs together.

            “I like seeing you like this,” Sara hummed as she leaned up to place a kiss on Ava’s cheek.

            “I’ve missed this,” Ava sighed and pulled Sara further into her embrace trying to get rid of any space left between them.

            “Aves…” Sara whispered after a few moments.

            “Yeah.”

            “You proposed,” Sara giggled shifting to look at the ring on her finger.

            “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” Ava kissed her again and turned onto her side.

Sara turned over too allowing Ava to spoon behind her. She slid comfortably into the space in front of Ava and linked her fingers with Ava’s pulling the woman’s hand up to her chest.

            “Sara, I do have a question though,” Ava frowned.

            “Ok?” Sara tensed under Ava but quickly relaxed when she felt Ava bury her head in the crook of her neck.

            “We’re you this much of a bottom in all your relationships?”

            “Shutup,” Sara laughed and ground back into Ava making the woman groan, “I’m only a bottom with you.”

            “Why Ms. Sharpe I’m honored,” Ava mumbled.

            “Hmmm. Sara Lance Sharpe. It has a ring to it, but so does Ava Sharpe Lance,” Sara turned and climbed on top of Ava settling onto her lap and rocking into the other woman.

Ava moaned and reached up to pull the woman down into a kiss. Sara pushed her hands away and moved lifted them above the taller blonde’s head. Sara’s grip was tight keeping Ava in place.

            “I’m a switch remember. Maybe its time I remind you,” Sara whispered before connecting their lips in a rough passionate kiss.

As Sara continued her ministrations, Ava indulged in the tingling sensations shooting down her spine and she had never felt more real.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your amazing feedback and support. It has been a while since I wrote fanfiction but Avalance renewed that passion for me. I hope to have your continued support with other fics in the future.


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